Awesome news report today about scientists discovering that sharks can reproduce asexually if there are no mates around. Certain bees reproduce asexually as well, but large vertebrates were generally thought to be bound by the laws of sexual reproduction. I loved the British news reporter's comment: 'No fun for the poor sharks.'
Sex is a gift.
I took about an hour, sat out in the sunshine and thought about what I wanted to accomplish in the next few years. Here’s what I came up with (they say you should always write your goals down):
Fitness Goals:
Educational Goals:
Family Goals:
Travel Goals:
Social Goals:
Artisitic Goals:
Financial Goals:
I don’t know what the picture of this Ocean beach sunset has to do with my new goals, but let’s just go with it…
The Rose Knows Its Job
A week before I left Chevron, I had been transferred to a new unit. At lunchtime, the young engineers went out to eat together one hot day in McKittrick. We were sitting around the table talking about our jobs, which are a combination of engineering and project management. There is a kind of continuum between engineering and project management–some people love the engineering aspect, some love the management aspect, some fall inbetween. I mentioned that I almost can’t stand engineering, that I will do it, but I don’t fully enjoy the process, just the satisfaction of the result. One of the engineers sitting across from me was taken aback and turned-off by my admission, and said “That’s dangerous!”
I tried explaining to him that I would never do anything dangerous out of my disdain for the engineering process, that I would do the necessary engineering, albeit grudgingly.
But his comment really bothered me, and it make me think: Is it right to do something if your whole heart is not involved, because you won’t do it to the best of your abilities? For example, one of my jobs was to build and repair pumps and tanks. However, I just could not get into the details…it was not the kind of topic I wanted to go home at night and research until I was too tired. It was barely interesting enough, and there was no way I wanted to know more than the bare minimum in order to complete the job. However, I’m sure there are plenty of people that get really excited by tanks and pumps and would soak in such information like sponges. I met some of them at Chevron.
One could theorize that I would not do as good (or as safe) of a job building a tank as someone who was really excited about building tanks could do.
Applied to massage therapy: I got minimally certified in Swedish massage and Reiki. Many massage practioners will continue going to school, earning additional certification in deep tissue, accupressure, reflexology, prenatal, Thai, hot stone massage, sports massage, etc. etc. etc…
Theoretically, a massage therapist with all that knowledge could better treat a client because their massage toolbox would be many times larger.
However, I was a very successful project manager/engineer at Chevron, by company standards, and I’m also a successful massage therapist…but is it good enough to do a job without being immersed in it?
I watched the movie Hot Fuzz last night. In it, there was a standout cop who had known he wanted to be a policeman since age 6, but had a failed relationship with his girlfriend and had no balance of other activities in his life. His job was his life. The movie tried to show how his lack of balance had hurt him, but in the end, he was a great hero for being really, really good at his job (and he never got his girl back).
I’ve always felt some guilt that I never had that epiphany in childhood where it was clear what I should do with my life. Some people say they just played with Lincoln logs every day and knew they would build houses when they grew up. I was interested in so many things, and changed my mind so many times. I wanted to be a flight attendant, teacher, missionary, and never settled on just one year after year.
I wouldn’t wish this on myself, but you hear stories all the time of something traumatic happening to a person, and from that moment on, they HAVE to spend the rest of their lives righting that wrong. For example, a loved one dies of cancer, and they become an advocat for cancer patient rights, or their son/daughter is killed by a drunk driver and they start a M.A.D.D. movement. These callings are important, but feel more like coping mechanisms than true career choices. The pain inside these people compells them to devote all their energy into one field.
So I guess I’m still in this transitional period of my life where I’m trying to decide where best to spend my time. Should I delve deeper into massage therapy? Should I abandon massage and go full-force into government work? Should I go back to school and study other things that have always interested me (law and psychology, for example)? Should I hold steady with what I’m doing and bet on the fact that I will be pregnant in a year or two and let those priorities direct my life? Should I be spending more time at the gym? Less time on the internet? More time reading books? More time traveling? Learn a new language? Make more money? Eat less? Listen to more music? Make more art?
I always tell people when they feel like they are stuck spinning their wheels, that they should simply refocus on their goals, and the priorities will fall into place. So maybe I’ll resolve to set some goals today and see where that gets me, but I have a feeling it won’t be that easy.
Ah, the blessing and challenge of freedom.
I bought an astrology profile online several weeks back. It’s based off my birthdate/time & where I was born. I thought it was amazingly accurate, and I’m wondering if it is just my own narcissism or if it is just general enough to make anyone feel it could be them!
Here is the link…what do you think? http://rep.astrology.com/paid/12360/4992/1.html
Also, my brother told me about the following MSN article on the latest theory of death. At what point are you really dead?:
Need I say more?
My definition of Addiction: If you are doing something all day long that should only be done once a day, you have a problem. This includes: Drinking alcohol, coffee, eating junk food, smoking anything, watching television, playing computer fantasy games, watching porn, talking to your significant other on the phone, playing with your hair, and the list goes on and on. Unless you have made one of these activities your life's calling, quit wasting your time & energy on doing them excessively!
Every one of us fights addictions, some do it more privately, some don't appear to fight them at all. But addictions own you, and they ALWAYS take you further from the person you long to be. There is comfort in the familiar routines of your addiction, but as Kahlil Gibran says, 'comfort murders the passion of the soul, and then walks grinning in the funeral.'
Coachella this weekend was amazing (pics here!). I came to Bakersfield Thursday for my good buddy Wes’ going-away party, and remembered the Coachella Arts & Music festival was the next 3 days down in the desert east of LA. I was lucky to buy good tickets on Friday at face value from a stranger off Craigslist and had a free hotel stay from my Marriott rewards card. After 7 hours of driving from Bakersfield to Indio, CA (normally a 3-hour trip), I made it safe & almost sound.
There were so many highlights, from delightful new sounds, to people-watching, to art exhibits, but for now I’ll just touch on the last headliner (as my posts have been rather religion/politically-oriented as of late). Rage Against the Machine put on a great, flawless performance, and very political/revolutional, as expected. I liked the meat of his message, which was that Americans philosophically do not want to be the country that invades other countries preemptively, then profits from the country’s reconstruction. He said that this has been our path for generations, and that every American generation has to fight to keep such urges from proliferating.
I personally am thinking that Bush has 70%+ of this country worried because his actions smack of a fledgling moral imperialistic power in the world, which was NOT the value America was founded on (never mind the regretable treatment of America’s natives, and other such invasions since then (Mexico, etc.)!). He defends his stance on abortion and gay rights based on what God says is right (which in itself is very open to interpretation), which is quite impossible to argue against (because absolutes deny any intrusions of logic or contradictions). The problem is, if you give on the issues of gay rights & abortion, you open the door to all sorts of policies based on what “God” says is right. Of course, the justifications given are never overtly “God said it was so,” but when you get to the heart of the issue that is usually where one ends up.
But enough of the heavy stuff for tonight…
I’m also thinking about talents lately. When you go to a festival like this, you realize these people have all spent a long time developing one specific talent, whether it is DJ-ing, singing, walking on stilts, making art, etc. It makes me wonder what my talent is….What it is that I am contributing to the world. Is it enough to do many things well, or is it better to specialize in your highest talent? And how do you know what your highest talent is? I spent 5 years training to be a hammer thrower, more years training to sing, some time training to play piano, flute, saxophone, many years journaling & writing, constantly decorating & re-organizing things, playing basketball, softball, volleyball, studying the Bible, volunteering & helping others, learning basic massage, studying chemical engineering, etc. I could go on and on about the different trades I’ve dabbled in, but Master of None is still my label. And I’m trying to be satisfied with that.
PS: Apparently it is difficult to see a 3-inch dropoff in the asphalt when it’s pitch black..probably shouldn’t be moving big bodies with weak ligaments at high rates of speed under those conditions. Note to self. (sprained my ankle pretty good jogging away from the concert at Cochella, and skinned up my left hand (which I’m going to Urgent care to get checked out tomorrow a.m. Better safe than sorry. I’ll spare you the picture on this one too)
A hotel ironing board substitutes well for crutches. Just put the flat side against you and grab onto the center rail!
It’s been too long and I’ve been too insanely busy to write, much less reflect on my life as of recent. My birthday was Monday the 16th (see my new time counter on the Profile page), and my parents “surprised” me by coming to town the day before (more like half-surprised, as mom is not too good at keeping secrets, although I didn’t know the exact date they were coming).
I’ve been terribly busy with my day job event planning for the big Forum next week and juggling massage clients & training a new therapist to work with me.
Oh yeah, and my estrogen levels are the highest they have ever been…3100 as of last count. Today was the big day, I took my last injection of hormones to prepare my precious eggs for retrieval 36 hours later, to be used by who-knows-who, who-knows-when. Somehow I’m very happy about the prospect of my genes being carried on in the world, even if I don’t get to oversee them.
My roommate keeps holding to his view that reproduction is just vanity at its finest, that with the scarcity of resources, & number of unwanted children needing able parents, why reproduce at all? Of course, it should be noted that my roommate is homosexual and therefore this worldview suits him perfectly. Always something to chew on here in San Francisco.
I’ve also been wanting to share this picture I took of the stock room at Jack in the Box near my day-job. I had just been wondering to myself whether Jack in the Box had jumped on the no-more-trans-fats wagon, when I rounded the curve toward the drive-thru window and got a peep of towers and towers of boxes labeled “All Vegetable Frying Shortening.” Jury is still out.
Well, it seems my last “deleting rarely-used files” spree ended in me not being able to upload pictures from my camera at the moment, so the picture of those boxes will have to wait. Also missing are the pictures from the Lily Allen concert I attended with my roommate as his birthday present. Hopefully they will be coming soon…
Watched Jesus Camp on Easter, which is a documentary about an Evangelical children’s camp in North Dakota-something I could really relate to! A few of the comments made by the pastors really stood out, and reminded me of why I parted from their radical beliefs (quoted are my paraphrases):
‘Our message is what draws children-that somebody loves them, that they have a purpose in life and were created to be special, while the secular world is telling them they are just like the animals and don’t have a profound purpose.’
43 percent of Evangelicals accepted Jesus by age 13
‘Democracy is the best system man has made on this earth, but God’s plan is supreme. The problem with democracy is that everyone has equal freedom.’
The thing that scares me about Evangelicals is the fundamental belief that the ultimate goal is a Christian world where everyone worships the one true God. There can be no separation of church and state with that belief, hence Evangelical Christianity is at odds with the core belief our fragile nation was founded upon. Right-wing Christian politicians know that it is fashionable right now to tell the voters that they can’t separate their religious beliefs from their political decisions. Just the other day the Arkansas governor running for presidential nomination said just that. On one side, I admired his honesty, but on the other side, it worried me because I know it means that this person is committed to changing this country into a church-state where the bible, at least the new testament, reigns supreme. And anyone with an offbeat sexual orientation or desire to limit the human ‘right’ or should I say ‘duty’ to reproduce will be silenced and trampled on by the hordes of brainwashed Fundamentalists who are drawn like a child to the promise of being more special than they really are. Religion is vanity. And pride cometh before a you-know-what.
