As bad as your life might suck right now, at least your dad didn't lock you in a cellar for 20 years and force you to birth 7 children by him.

Cheers!

‘Lead us from the fear of Death’
‘Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil.’

A big part of athletic endeavor, especially competition, is confronting fears. I’m exploring the root of those fears. The Four Agreements book says our main fear is social rejection, something that has been conditioned in each of us from the day we are born. I’ve noticed that some people get extremely good at pleasing others at a young age, and these are sometimes the people with the worst fear when they grow up and have to compete in an athletic (or other performance) setting.

I’m now starting to think that the fear of performing in front of dozens, hundreds, or thousands of strangers is because this person who is so good at deciphering how to please others one-on-one, cannot possibly control the outcome when they are being judged by myriad eyes. This is a paralyzing and very real fear in their mind that they will get rejected, possibly by dozens of people, and there is nothing they can do about it.

So how to get past this? I think any fear has original wounds which need confrontation. This person’s inner child is still fighting for its life, and the adult suffers needlessly. In fact, all fears can probably be traced back to the fear of death, and that is not something you want to be confronting 24/7.

A person needs to expose fears for what they are, so that they can begin to live the life of a fearless warrior. A warrior knows what to fear and what not to fear.

A person who fears competition is living in the past. There is nothing to fear at the moment! You are NOT going to die if you do not perform well. You behave as though there is a gun to your head.

A competition should be a venue of inspiration and glory. Can you imagine a perfect competition, where no one chokes, and everyone performs their best for that given day? That is what spectators want to see. It is not enough to do your best in spite of your fear, you must begin that slow, painful walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death to illuminate and eliminate your fears.

Because that is just what living with a fear is…merely the ‘shadow’ of death. To truly grow up, one must begin to leave the shadows for the light. No fear!

“What are you afraid of? Death? You should be afraid of not living!”
~Sri Swami Satchidananda

My take on Obama and his Reverend’s recent comments:
It goes back to the outspoken uncle syndrome. I think Rev. Wright is probably proud of Obama’s success, and like an uncle, thinks that he will now have a voice in Washington because of his close relationship with Obama.

It’s like when I first joined Chevron as an engineer, both of my favorite uncles kept asking when they were going to get their free gas cards. I love them both and find them very amusing, but if others assumed I shared all of their opinions, it would strike me as ridiculous. True, they are not my spiritual advisors, but jeez, give Obama a break. Find me one pastor of a large church in this country who does not make controversial comments.

Or, talk about the real issue which is that Sunday morning is the most segregated time in America, whether the pastors are bashing gays, promoting sodomy with minors, marriage of children or polygamy, or lamenting injustices to people of their culture.

Are we really prepared to insist that we want a president who belongs to a ‘National’ church? Some mystical, non-existant church which offends no one and accepts everyone? Or would we rather have a president who does not belong to any church?

I thought the design and the beauty of America was in the freedom to practice any religion we wanted, as long as church and state remained separated. I guess all these Fundamentalist politicians have ruined American trust in this kind of separation with their constant assertions that they cannot possibly separate their faith from their job. Way to go. Way to ruin American politics with your simple-minded pandering.

I think our founding fathers were much more bright than that, realizing that of course a person is the sum of his experiences, but that a real leader would take into account the best interests of the Nation over any single religious creed. Obama has not promised to make his church’s creeds America’s, in fact with his constitutional education and teaching credentials, it would be shocking to see him easily swayed by any local church’s opinions.

Propel, propel, propel your craft,
Unforcefully down the liquid solution.
Ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically, ecstatically,
Existence is merely an illusion.

I finally started another book. It is called The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book. It echoes and builds upon all the philosophy I’ve been reading in the past couple of years. A quote for my throwers:

“That is why humans resist life. To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our lives trying to satifsy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.”

Some more…

“We don’t see the truth because we are blind. What blinds us are all those false beliefs we have in our mind….We cannot see who we truly are; we cannot see that we are not [yet] free….The real us is pure love, pure light…”

I had some strange reactions to this book after reading it at the ocean: I wanted to call and tell my boyfriend I loved him, and I inquired about a job as a pizza delivery driver at Domino’s (they weren’t hiring). Read this book, then watch Fight Club again. You will see it in a new light.

Words of Advice, originally uploaded by Chrissy Mc.

I thought these would make good words of advice for our presidential candidates. From an ice cream store called PollyAnn in the Sunset District (I got a free peanut butter and oreo cookie ice cream cone by spinning the wheel – yum!).

Central Valley Sunset, originally uploaded by Chrissy Mc.

Driving home from LA on the 5. Nostalgic, but I don’t miss the haze (or smells) at all!

Today I rejoice, for I have finally figured out MY perfect Subway Sandwich:
6-inch whole wheat
Veggie Patty, toasted with Pepperjack cheese
Avocado
Fresh Spinach
Black Olives
Yellow Sweet peppers
Sweet Onion Sauce

Yum!

When I was young
The stories made sense.
The lessons were clear.
The entertainment was pure.
The more I learned
The more critical I became,
Lest I seem foolish.
I reasoned and dissected
And sorted fact and fiction
According to what I 'knew.'
But Alas,
The more I learned
The less I knew.
And I came back to my child
For knowledge built on reason is
But a house on shifting ground
I've seen facts come and go.
What was the last great fact after the earth is round and we are not the center of the universe?
Don't bore me with your new facts,
Fool's gold.
Science is finite and I'm a skeptic that it can tell us anything we really need to know.
Yes it is useful, like the Neanderthal's tools.
Chip away at this disease.
Keep you from playing the lottery.
But leaning on science for all your answers is a limitation.
You will only be as wise as the number of theories in your pocket.
Know that everything you need to know is all around you.
Science is a magnifying lens through which we explore a part of the whole.
But the possibilities and joy are endless through the eyes of a child.
As I change, so do my theories.
But the infinite is infinite.
Thank God.

Music and unconditional love are as close to Truth as I have come.