"Guarding yourself from the love of another

Left you with nothing tonight

Why does it sound like the devil is laughing

Leaving me haunted tonight

You did decide

Now I want you, when you're gone, and now it's like

You're holding something just in front of me

Well then, I can't allow this to become another

One of those times that I'm left in the cold, dead

There's no compromise

Just another tie

I know I need to sever

Guarding yourself from the love of another

Left you with nothing tonight

Why does it sound like the devil is laughing

Leaving me haunted tonight

You did decide

Ever haunted, by the trappings of this life

Sweet redemption, just in front of me

Well now, it seems once again that I've lost another

One of the one's that have broke through the wall

Damned

Fate won't compromise

I have sold my soul,

And now the devil's laughing

You did decide

You were bold and strong, and ready to begin your life

All for nothing, you were sacrificed

You began alone, and so it will be when you die

All for nothing, will you be remembered?

You did decide

Guarding yourself from the love of another

Left you with nothing tonight

So now you know why the devil is laughing

He left you with nothing tonight

You did decide"

The rising popularity of ignorance is something liberals have been lamenting, pointing to the Tea Party movement. However, it should not be seen as a strictly right-wing uprising stemming only from a place of fear and hate. If you ask the question, “Why is ignorance fashionable right now?” you see that it is not a partisan problem. The “Main Street vs. Wall Street” mantra preached by the democratic President Obama is cut from the same cloth. Americans rightly feel that our economy has tanked due to the risky financial actions of white-collar, highly-educated “Big Business” (banks/lenders), under what is assumed to be an “educated” Government, which provided the institution, oversight, and ultimately, a bailout. It is not surprising, then, that “common sense” of “common people” should become the rallying cry of the population.

The choice of Sarah Palin then as a candidate suddenly makes sense when this is taken into consideration. Republicans were betting that America was feeling that intellectuals could not be trusted to keep our country safe. Of course, this is not true. The RIGHT deserving intellectuals ought to be entrusted to keep our country safe.

We do not need to resort to blindly fearing the Tea Party, perpetuating name-calling, etc. Even if 99% of their platform may appear misguided to a liberal, there is a reason they exist. Rather, we ought to refocus the discussion back to the hard issues we could actually agree on but prefer to avoid. We do not need more “common” people, i.e., uneducated citizens running for office to change Washington. One correct action is to focus the media, especially liberal media, on meaningful dialogue. Or at the least do it in your living room, then with your family and friends. Then, we might actually be able to work together to identify how we can craft economic and business policies which set up proper incentives and oversight in order to protect our shared economic future. I realize polarization is somewhat necessary and popular leading up to election dates, but when you polarize an opponent ad nauseum to the point of losing all discussion of the real underlying issues the whole country loses ground in the march toward real freedom.

What have we accomplished lately?

I'm attempting to tame my neuroses and process the many changes that have happened in my life the past four months:

1) Expanded my business

2) Ended an unsatisfying 9 year relationship that had given me a false sense of grounding and direction

3) Stopped vegetarian diet

4) Tried online dating. Went out on a date for the first time since age 21. Opened up a new world. Now having a steady string of crazy, beautiful, terrifying, enlightening experiences.

5) Went on a cleansing regime. Stopped taking BC hormones. Body changed.

6) Spent a week exercising out in nature 8 hours/day (Yosemite).

7) Went to Burning Man, i.e. drove 7 hours into a desert and survived a week in a psychotic city full of total strangers. Learned new emotional coping techniques. Opened heart. Dropped some more baggage.

8) Became very poor and learned a financial lesson that my college and post-college wealth had prevented me from experiencing – the hard way.

7) Reevaluated the path I am on! Am I still where I need to be?

I'm still reeling but getting by day-to-day the best I can. It's kind of like re-learning the world and its rules all over again. New paradigms are being built. Hypotheses tested. And it feels late in the game to be doing it, but then you look around and realize it's being done constantly, by everyone. We are all an ongoing giant iteration. Molecules bouncing off each other, expending energy and initiating equal-but-opposite reactions. Clinging to comfortable lies and avoiding painful truths as we keep bumping into people that propel us ever further along. The less we focus on the "ego", or ourselves, the more we are able to truly give and have fulfilling relationships. Interesting exploration.

My last living grandparent passed away tonight. Rest in peace Keith. We are all born innocent (McLoughlin).

His effect on my life has been profound (besides the obvious fact of existence), and his passing makes me ponder the effects of karma (past actions). For example, my grandfather was a sex offender. I hardly spent any time with him as a youth. As a result of his actions, my mother was super cautious when it came to sexuality with her children. We could not watch a couple kissing on tv, for example. I was not allowed to go to my eighth grade dance. My clothing was conservative. I was told I could not date until age 16, and did not have a real boyfriend until after high school.

Similarly, my mother was strongly affected in her twenties by her young brother's tragic death involving alcohol and diving. We never had a drop of alcohol in our home. My mother has still never had a drink of alcohol. Beer commercials on tv would prompt a swift channel changing. I did not have any experience observing people using alcohol (positively or negatively) until I left home and went to college.

I am also feeling so grateful for my mother's handling of the abuse that occurred in her family. It seems to be common amongst women to absorb abuse and not perpetuate it or externalize it in its original form. This obviously had health implications for her (holding that energy in her body) that are still not totally resolved, and may never be. But what a gift to be able to stop a gruesome cycle of abuse. My mother is an amazing woman.

We are all products of each other, and as such we increase health and happiness of humanity by striving to be better people in spite of what life hands us. My mother and grandmother's daily spiritual practices are huge reasons that we grandchildren are generally successful, productive people. Important to remember and continue their traditions.

1) Paddling 101: dig deep, center forward on board, legs in
2) First duck & roll, fun!
3) Lots of great white sharks 300 yards from where we surf – awesome!
4) Don't stay up late, drink too much wine and cider, eat chocolate and go surfing early next morning after driving winding roads — nauseous
5) Long boards rule! Short boards for steep-faced waves
6) Stood up on a tall wave for the first time – super scary to brain, no actual danger
7) Took a few extra risks and wave beatings, just to see what they felt like
8) Peeing in a wetsuit: feels so right it can't be wrong : )