Hamburgers on TV
Fine, a sign
Houses painted white
Blind the scorpion
Take me deeper in
Just what I needed
Melt away my anxiety
Let me be here now
Yearly Archives: 2011
Control Freak
Refocusing
On the amazing gifts life has for me
Every day
Little by little
Stopping thinking
About what I’m not getting
Trying to escape this mental maze
Need to keep looking for openings
Don’t panic at the dead ends
Just turn around and keep walking
With eyes wide open, heart wide open
Stop fixating on immovable walls
The ones I built with my mind
The Universe just wants me to be free
So it can move me
With fluid dynamics, down the path of least-resistance
Toward an efficient resolution
Do I trust her intentions?
What a Day
I had a very eventful and wonder-filled day yesterday :-) From being pulled over for allegedly not stopping completely at a stop sign in a military base to a head-spinning gchat conversation about conversation, to being chatted up by two nice cops about track and field, to bellydancing lessons, to driving a stick shift for the first time in 10 years under pressure, to finding the gate open at ten at night to the local urban garden I always wanted to explore, to finding things that were lost, including my passport and key set. What a successful day!
I included a picture from the urban garden of the rows of garlic, as evidence of my expedition. It was such a cool huge garden, with streams, bridges, and a pond. It even had bee boxes for harvesting honey. I munched on the only ripe thing I could find which was some leaves of lettuce. It’s amazing how alive food tastes right after being picked, compared to how bland store-bought veggies/fruits can get after transit and storage.
To another magical day in the city…
Early Death
I feel like I fucked it up
It’s fun taking ownership
Realizing everything that goes south for you
Was caused by you
And your willingness to kill something beautiful
Right in front of you
Because you’re not ready, or not stable, or not believing, or not capable
Or not standing on your own two feet
If you can remember where in hell you put them
Finding my way out this maze
Three weeks of being excruciatingly ill has finally come to an end. I declared myself 97% healed today. It was feeling very tiresome not being up to par. The biggest thing I noticed was my desire to reproduce came back, haha. I felt like being out in the world again.
It turned into quite an introspective time for me, a good diving in excursion I suppose, before I begin another diving out into the world phase this summer. My bankruptcy case officially begins this week I think. I’ve been doing a lot of paperwork and prep for that which has enabled me to get back on top my finances again, after a few years of hiding among them. I opened a new bank account today at a credit union. A very local credit union. They have only 68 employees. They reimburse all ATM fees everywhere, coolest thing ever.
I’m also doing an orientation this week for a new part-time gig: valet car parking. Cross your fingers that I remember how to drive and park a stick shift on Wednesday. Must be all this great Taurus energy helping me organize my finances and plan for success.
We had a great conference championship meet this weekend. I am so proud of my team and how far they have all come this year. They faced a shit-ton of personal obstacles and all came through in shining colors, together. Sweet moment was Dee and Cassie hoisting me on their shoulders after hammer comp and singing “For she’s a jolly good coach…” after they both exceeded their lifetime bests at that meet. Highly embarrassing and yet so sweet. We are family!
Feeling excited about a potential hot springs trip in June with some close personal friendly friends. This is going to be another magnificent summer. Hard to top the last one, but I shudder to think how awesome this one will be :-) Life just keeps on getting better…
What’s Going On?
A well-timed illness
A surgery
A grand mystery
For you and me?
A lull in work
To think and reflect
Drama removed
So I can sit with yours?
These days I feel
So close to God
I hear his poets
What goes on behind the scenes
It feels so empty
When you’re free
We’re beasts of burden
Naturally
God wanted to dance
I still resist
Never have been good
At being led
Ready to Sprout
I feel like a seed
Small and innocuous
To any casual observer
But
I’ve been shoved deep into fertile soil and I’m about to burst open
Wildly in all directions
With roots that take hold
Colors that charm
And tendrils that climb and scream for the sky
Thrive!
You were sewn from an infinite thread
That’s why Love keeps tugging at your heart
The Lover misses you
When you’re lonely
Come back!
Don’t you remember
Getting everything you wanted?
You still do!
Desire is a powerful magnet
So be careful what you wish for
Run it up the flagpole
Make a list and check it twice
When the nets you cast return empty
Or brim full of surprises
Push on, little human
You’ve got a job to do on this planet
And you’re just now learning to aim this big gun
Even the boys know it’s about trust and surrender
And retiring from your post
As general manager of the universe
When are you going to quit your job
And start showing up for work?
The world needs your pink afro
Your penchant for threesomes, stupid jokes, and mushroom honey
Why else would it ask you to be born?
Use your glorious mind to imagine doing the only thing the universe asks you to do: Thrive, thrive, thrive!
Drawn In
Sing!
It’s just a black ant crawling on a white elephant anyway
Stark but pretty inconsequential
From a distance
What matters is that the big guy’s breathing
And munching on some grass
And the little guy is eagerly navigating the hairs
Making his way across the surface
Going nowhere, really
But you insist on sitting and staring at them
And I am drawn in
No Sugar-Added Eating!!
So I have gone an entire week without adding the chemical sugar (sucrose) to anything in my food! I have also not eaten anything containing sugar (or HFCS) listed as an ingredient. And it feels great! I have been forced firstly to conjure up new desserts. I have grown fond of plain organic yogurt with raw honey and nuts.
I found this fabulous recipe for raw fudge that has been hitting the spot daily:
1 cup almond butter
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/4 cup agave syrup
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (I prefer pecans)
Simply mix them all together with your clean hands in a little bowl. Then spray a 8×8 pan or loaf pan with Pam and press it firmly into the pan (or cute molds). Refrigerate for 1.5 hours and enjoy! Doesn’t give you that sugar rush like regular fudge and gets more delicious the more you eat. And it’s GOOD for you!!
The main effect I’ve noticed so far is that my skin is more clear and glowy looking, saying a lot for the typically worst skin week of the month. Plus my little eye laugh line wrinkles actually look smaller! It is possible I have been smiling and laughing somewhat less after having been ridiculously ill for 2 weeks though ;-)
On with the experiment! Let’s see if I can last a whole month…