Now that my egg-donation life is over, it’s time to kick in the exercise! I’m joining a Tuesday volleyball league, and taking Wednesday/Thursday bellydancing classes. I need to start up the crossfit again, as well as get back to my daily hikes/jogs with the pit bull. Being in shape is so awesome. I feel like achieved that this year for the first time in my life.

I am excited to continue working with my athletes. They provide constant challenges and exercises in overcoming personal challenges. I get great motivation and ideas just through helping them through their issues. I think every living person ought to have a coach, including me! Now, who will be the lucky person…

And somehow tonight, after a pitcher of sangria with a friend, I find myself at the Lexington, of all places. Not so sure about this tequila after wine idea, but the pretty girl who bought my drink seems to think it is a good one…time will tell…

Well, I decided last year I had enough of just trying to “survive.” My mantra in my massage-therapy business was “I’m not trying to be a millionaire here, I just want to provide affordable massage and have my massage therapists get paid as much as possible for their very very hard work.” I entered San Francisco with an attitude of “I’m not sure I belong here…This is a tough city to live in and I just need to survive here…I have no one here to help me and I have to do this all on my own…I don’t have another degree to fall back on so I am not as valuable to society.”

After 4 years of living those lies I had finally had enough. I was stressed to the maximum and was not enjoying the city at all – at least not the way I wanted to enjoy it: drinks/dinner out with friends, going to see shows, having days off to just relax and explore.

I decided at the end of last year that I was done playing the survival game. It wasn’t fun!! So I chose the only logical followup to the survival game…the wealth game! Thankfully, the stars have been aligning to support my new mission and I am excited to see where this one will go.

Things are already looking up. I started listening in on this telesummit called “The Spiritual Path to Money,” and it totally hit home. I was confronted with all the lies I had been telling myself the past 4 years about how I was not worthy, not ready, capable, prepared, etc. for success. I am learning that I have to go back to my 8-year-old self, who, despite her upbringing in poverty, knew FOR A FACT that she was going to have a wildly successful life and attract everything in her dreams to her. Back then I had the confidence and the dreams, and didn’t worry so much about the path.

When I became older it became all about the path…the LOGICAL ways to be “successful,” i.e. whatever society tells you is “tried-and-true”: Become an engineer, or a doctor. A teacher? “But Honey, you’re so smart!” An English major? “Don’t be naive, you’ll never make any money with that degree.”

I was more than willing to go along with this nonsense because I wanted and needed financial security so badly, I wanted it to be a shoe-in. I was not ready to take any extreme risks or chances. So I got a Chemical Engineering degree, the most highly paid degree in terms of starting salary ($58,000) of any degree in the year I graduated college: 2003. How logical.

Well, it’s time to try a different path! Having met my financial security needs with that degree in just 3.5 years, I jumped ship and started to play a new game: Build a business from scratch! Survive in one of the most expensive cities in the country! And don’t ask for a penny from anyone!

Well, this quickly became a very lonely and isolating game, and that brings me to today, and the new game. Let’s just say this one is going to be a LOT MORE FUN. The idea is, go back to my inner 8-year-old and start thinking of all the things/experiences I want in my life. Then take small steps toward them, while opening up my ability to expand and receive by purposefully indulging in myriad new experiences. So far it is working like magic!

The first day I started putting this to the test, I literally got an email right away saying: “You were just featured on Forbes.com”. That was a pretty f-cking awesome start to the experiment. Within a couple days I got 2 new clients requesting personal coaching for track & field, something I haven’t done much of any on the side for extra profit. So that is my start. Things are opening up quickly.

I decided to have my two roommates play along. I had them listen to a couple telesummit calls, they started to shift their thinking about what was possible for them, and wouldn’t you know, within 2 days they both gained $1000!! Not joking. One of them got notified that she had received a $1000 scholarship, and the other one sold 2 pieces of her art for a total of $1000 even. She has not sold a piece of art in probably 2 years?? Coincidences? I think not. All this “expansion” mindset is starting to make manifesting things very easy. For example, tonight I walked into a gas station, bought sunflower seeds, and thought to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a coffee cup to spit these seeds into on the drive?” As I was checking out, the cashier says, “Would you like a coffee cup for your sunflower seeds?” I thought this kind of shi# was limited to Burning Man. Think it, and it appears! Maybe not a totally solid example, but with everything else that has been going on I am just going to keep riding this train…

I do not believe in a universe of karmic retribution. I believe in cause and effect, but it makes no sense to me that in all the universe, you would end up back on this tiny blue planet paying for things you did in a different body case. That would seem to me to be scientifically improbable. I realize this is contrary to many wise-people’s ideas about soul’s journeys and purposes and what-not.

I do believe that horrific evil can exist in a Universe made of Love. I do not believe we are justified in creating evil conditions nor supporting them, as that is contrary to the innate laws of social support for life and health of the species. HOWEVER, terrible evil and injustice can and must exist when God has fractionated him/itself. It brings to light infinite good and justice, and most people recognize we live an existence of duality.

It has been said that God is Love. I think actually that God is the mathematical infinite integral of Love. I heard romantic love once very well described as an “indescribable connection and communication of respect, adoration, sensuality and peace.” This to me sounds like a longing for unity, which makes sense if we are separate objects yearning for a once-existing (still existing) unity. God therefore is not some purveyor of justice, but an ultimate unity. Love then, is something you can only experience when you are separate from your lover. It demands an object. God is experiencing him/itself by fractioning into myriad forms.


These are actually pretty new thoughts so I will give them time for scrutiny and to mellow before going much further.


Thanks to Ajit for inspiring a deeper probing…

I also loved his exercise of touching the heart and abdomen, while concentrating on the right knee, left elbow, center of skull, etc., looking/feeling for where your source of “soul” is. Where your true being is located. For me it was felt at the heart level.

He said the greatest source of evil in the world is your wrong identifications. The mind starts working from a young age to create structures and patterns in which the ego/body feels “safe.” It constructs a fortress that later can block love from flowing between people. This is why the work of opening the heart is so important in our society.

People can get very lost in their minds and must turn to insane asylums, religion, happiness clubs in order to escape the feeling that life is meaningless and that they are lost in these bodies. It’s a good thing they do. And we need to reconnect people with their hearts and their inner sources of God, infinity and love.

Sacred Steve talked about 3 things which make up the physical universe, and I’ll have to catch up with him to spell out what they are again. Basically, there is a web-like structure, free-floating particles, and love!

http://www.thechocolatelife.com/

Some people ask: Why does God allow suffering? How can there be a God, and how can this God be good, just, etc. when there is injustice/suffering in the world?

Answer: Suffering is a teacher. Suffering exists so that we may learn. We were put on this planet to experience ourselves (God) more fully. God wanted a mirror.

Each of us is a small fraction of God, like a ray of light coming from the sun. We are each a unique frequency of Love.

You may say, well, how does having cancer teach me anything? How is that fair?

We are born into a world full of foreign structures. We learn we have bodies, we learn how to stand up and walk in them, how to use them, what hurts and what does not. We have social structures, relationship structures, laws/structures of physics, politics, government, genetics, etc. We suffer when we bump up against a structure, because we are infinite souls inhabiting a finite body and spatial structure. We hit a limitation and we recoil. But with each recoil, we have a choice/chance to learn about that which is finite and that which is infinite. One can not be experienced without the other.

In a way, we are privileged to inhabit these weird bodies for a span of time so that we can have a structure within which to experience, know more deeply, and communicate who God is to each other.

Therefore, it is not the cancer which makes the world unjust. Cancer is just another structural limitation we are sometimes forced to inhabit. Suffering and cancer are not synonymous. The suffering is how the brain interprets the body’s reaction to the cancer. You may “have” cancer and you can “suffer from” cancer. You can’t learn anything about your true nature inherently just from having cancer. You will just come to simple facts like I am a human and I have a cell population within my tissues that is reproducing errantly. However, you can learn from the suffering you may experience about what your true nature is and is not.

Sacred Steve brought us back to the wisdom of the heart in relating to each other and living to the fullest health/efficiency/etc. on this planet. The mind, being finite, needs 2 reference points to compute anything. It is a tool but a limited one. The mind may operate in the past or present, but never in the exact “now”. This is the value of heart and awareness meditations, another tool to balance the activity of the computing mind, which can only help us to the point of calculating rough probabilities. The heart’s wisdom, a FEELING, is the infinite wisdom of the Love source within us, which seeks to interact with its world in a productive, love- and life-generating way, before its temporal body is subject to entropy (as every physical structure ultimately is).

This fits my theory that life rewards life. As an example, people who provide the most social benefit to other people are held in the highest esteem and are taken care of by others (the universe). Therefore, we have an imperative to listen to our hearts when making decisions, as the brain will only go as far as to compute for us a probability outcome that will keep the ego/one person safe.

More to come in a later post…thoughts?