Remembering
That boys want a life full of art too
Don’t be so predictable
Leave a little to the imagination
Stoke the fires of competition
Make them rise to the occasion
Who wants a day just like the last?
Make it better
Sweeter
Funnier
Sexier
More playful, delightful, alluring
Resist the routine that hides your passion
Yearly Archives: 2012
What is Love?
“the word LOVE was created to try to encapsulate an indescribable connection and communication of respect, adoration, sensuality and peace, which in turn brings a feeling, ‘Love’.” David H.
Expanding Again
Tangled in a web of suggestions
Intoxicated
Hormones surging
If it were only enough to be occupied
Working a JOB
I can’t think of anything worse
Than to leave my womb empty
Another selfish year
Preparedness be damned
Suze Orman would have had me enslaved a year and a half beyond my breaking point
Fuck lust and finances
Temptation and envy and bounty
Who knows where I’d be without blessed spontanaeity?
I’ve become a fan of conscious choosing
So where does this leave me tonight?
In a world where I could live 200 years
And freeze all my eggs,
What’s the rush?
But my body is my experience
So many live just in their heads
They wouldn’t understand
My exploring of the house
But is this just another case of
Wanting something
Before it’s paid for?
Am I the Virgin Madoff
If so, who will pay for my sins?
Am I creating without due process?
Am I animal or am I calculating?
Will the cards decide my path this time?
Is anyone on my side?
Eyesight Improvement Protocol – Test Phase
Here’s the protocol I plan to use over the next 40 days:
1. 15-minutes full body yoga stretches in the morning
2. Exercises in morning when eyes are relaxed, keep them relaxed (Good posture, smile, breathe deeply, flutter blink after each set):
a. UP-DOWN x 8
b. LEFT-RIGHT x 8
c. LEFT-STRAIGHT-RIGHT-STRAIGHT x 4
d. CIRCLES 8-10 each
e. CIRCLES, head tilted up 8-10 each
f. CIRCLES, eyes closed, 8-10 each
g. TILTED CIRCLES, eyes closed 8-10 each
h. Top LEFT-Bottom LEFT-Top Right-Bottom Right, x4 then opposite x4
i. Horizontal 8’s – x8
j. Vertical 8’s – x8
k. Nose-Peripheral, Bridge-Peripheral, 3rd Eye-Peripheral x 4 cycles
l. Total relaxation, blinking, slowly open blinking eyes fully relaxed
m. Cover eyes in darkness 4 minutes, 1 minute to relax arms down then open
n. Close eyes, fingers point toward eyes, 1-2 mins, thumbs point 1-2 mins
o. Solarizing at sunrise and/or sunset
p. 100 near/far fully relaxed
3. 1-2 Times Throughout day
a. Close eyes for 20 seconds, artificially lift mood, look at distant object, remember sharpness, repeat
b. Play blinking game for 5-10 minutes
4. Every hour on the computer, look UP-DOWN-LEFT-RIGHT-NEAR-FAR, then palm eyes
5. Night
a. Steam & eucalyptus vapor for 1-2 minutes followed by cold wet paper towels on eyes before bed
6. 4 days on, 3 days off eye exercises
Details, inspired by:
http://www.scribd.com/doc/4958881/Eye-Exercises-to-Natural-Vision-Correction-FREE
http://www.collaboration.org/centers/bureaucentral/Departments/eye_clinic.htm
We’re So Far Past Pro-Life
Even pro-lifers use birth control
Every time an egg and a sperm get away
Without meeting in a warm, cozy uterus
Or a warm, cozy petri dish
An angel loses its wings
Why not collect and freeze every cute little wiggling tail?
None down the hatch, now!
One day we may need to populate another planet
Give their Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel
People to go visit
Enough talk about what to do with my stomach’s contents
If you need them so badly, execute me and harvest away!
Or better yet, build an American town, every day, forever
For the 3,700 tiny people you could retrieve and rescue
Not your best plan.
So try setting down your hammer,
And your condemning signs,
And sing a song reminding yourself,
That your own life is worth living.
Love and Loathing in San Francisco
The most frustrating thing is not having the answers
Wandering mapless
Great for an education
But when all is quiet the clock hands tick thunder
When will we be loved?
I loved you and you sent me away spinning
Citing pain
Tell me more about your hurt
The accident
Your wheelchair
The bleeding that stains all your relationships
The journey we must both be on
No one loves for no reason
I fell deep into a love hole and my first love left me there
To prove I could pay my way out
And now you can’t provide it and I can’t manage it
And the feelings of self-loathing
Match the weight of the chains of limitation we were born into
And must now throw off if we are to be truly free
What Have I Become?
Had some fun tonight “summarizing” my professional experience in LinkedIn. I just realized I left out an entire section for “menial labor”, ha.
My professional experience spans quite a few sectors:
Health/Education: I’ve coached collegiate athletics for 5 years at a four-year Division II NCAA state college, advancing several athletes to all-conference, all-region, and national honors as All-American. I’m certified as a yoga instructor, massage therapist, and track & field coach. As a coach, I design and lead workouts and structure team practices and meetings, as well as manage track meets, volunteers, and recruiting.
Business: I’ve dreamed-up and created 2 profitable small businesses in the fields of health and recreation, including managing an office of 12 contractors and all facets of running a small business, from accounting to marketing to HR to operating procedures to interviewing and training.
Science & Technology: I’ve worked in R&D for environmental biotech solutions and department of defense research in academic and commercial settings. I am an excellent small projects manager, awarded by a Top 5 US corporation for my development of a tool to streamline project management in my first year at the company. I also was recognized for my skills in facilitating successful meetings with multiple stakeholders on multi-million dollar projects, and for creating working operating procedures.
Government: For four years I worked closely with a national security consultant/contractor on advancing technology security initiatives involving US Government agencies, financial firms, and VC firms. I also created back-office operating procedures and managed the office and accounting as an administrative assistant.
Communication: I created and hosted an online summit where I conducted live, broadcasted 45-minute interview conference calls of eight Olympic-hopeful athletes in track & field. I’ve maintained a blog since 2006 where I document life lessons-learned, write poetry, social commentary, and updates about ongoing personal experiments.
ADDED:
Menial Labor: Valet Runner, Photo Lab Technician, Janitor, Construction, Warehouse labor, Childcare, Farm labor, Landscaping.
Running Up Bills/Hills
On my way to a valet parking job today in Pac Heights. It’s times like this where I wonder if I’m scrounging up work the best possible way. Even with tips I’m still working for less than $20/hour, and surely my time is more valuable than that. Or is it? It’s just such a bizarre scenario, certainly the supervisors at the valet company think it’s strange that a chemical engineer should be working for such little pay as a car runner. I suppose when I shut down my massage business, I was just not in the mood for taking chances with bigger projects, and probably rightly so. I am still learning how to properly manage money. I discovered that a bad decision made during my first couple years of college set the tone for what would eventually be my first big business failure: buying a new Rockford Fosgate sound system and 18″ subwoofer for my car, maxing out my first credit card, for $850. They agreed to sell it to me for my credit limit, so I thought it was meant to be. It was my first-ever time using a credit card to pay for something I wanted NOW, but hadn’t yet earned. I remember we were assigned an engineering homework assignment where we were to calculate our payments and interest for a purchase of our choosing. I was already taking out small loans to finance my education, *knowing* I would have a good job and be able to pay back that investment quickly upon graduation. Well, somehow an expensive stereo system became part of that “investment”. It is likely that I did not actually ever fully pay-off that debt for the next 10-12 years, until my recent bankruptcy wiped the slate clean.
But I think the problem was the energy shift that happened in me where it became “ok” to have something before I earned it. Looking back this habit followed me into my first well-paying job, where there were a few months I can recall having to do payday advances to cover my expenses. Pretty pathetic when you’re pulling in enough money for 2 people but you still can’t keep your head above water. I imagine this is at least partially what is meant by those people recently pouting online that they make $300,000/year and are still broke. A bit of entitlement complex. I’ve always felt entitled, which is to say envious, which I realize now is certainly a deadly sin. Ok to want the best, but also necessary to know where the universe placed you upon birth and what path you will need to tread to earn what you want.
On the positive side, my envy has taught me to be ultra-resourceful, I have a talent for finding and spending every possible cent easily available to me, it’s the money that has to be earned which I must now focus my resourceful energies toward.
So, as usual, I’m feeling too old to be learning these lessons, and too old to be running cars valet while I figure out how to be financially effective again. Fuck it, at least I’m learning something.
Going Somewhere
It all came together, finally, tonight. Another crisis hit me this weekend, the “What the f— am I doing with my life?” feeling I get every so often, which seems to coincide suspiciously with occurrences of my bank accounts bottoming out.
What occurred to me was that I wasn’t really advancing any causes that are important to me. Since the day I sold my soul to the devil, sometime in June 1999, I hadn’t given a second thought to what might be important to me in life. Even when I quit my engineering job, I made it no further than “What slightly interests me?”
Shazaam! I had been asking myself the wrong question the past five years!
What I *should* have asked myself was: “What is wrong with my world now and how will I affect change/influence it so it matches my vision?”
That question begs a list. And a list gives direction. I would then have to ask myself: What education will I need? What resources and connections will I need to bring such changes about? What skills should I acquire? Who else shares my vision(s)?
This is going to be fun. My guess is this list is going to be somewhat fluid and things could flip-flop, but here’s where I stand as of today.
First Stab at List:
Healthcare
-Educate people about preventative health
-Reduce reliance on pharmaceuticals
-Make sure every working person and student is properly insured for health emergencies and automatically covered for preventative care
-End farm subsidies which promote junk food products and unhealthy fillers/sweetners
-Distinguish between “food” and food products in FDA guidelines/policy
Politics
-Make sure shitheads don’t get elected to represent me
-Reduce power of corporations to influence government
-Increase minimum wage to a living wage
-Promote single-earner family/community structures with social policy, increase (good) parent-to-child ratio
-Promote community-building and children-friendly spaces
-Increase quality of cooperation and understanding among other cultures
Education
-Practice democracy in school systems in function and design
-Focus on personal development, communication, relationship management as critical development skills for youth
-Assess “grades” such that students better understand what skills they have and what they lack
-Make education affordable/accessible for everyone
-Increase extracurricular involvement opportunities for youth
Environment
-eliminate use of pesticides and herbicides
-eliminate use of hormones in animals and humans for food production and birth control
-eliminate large-scale ecosytem disruptions caused by mega-farms (acres of similar farmland, orchards, trucking 75% of country’s bees into one state for 2 weeks); make communities more self-sufficient/local-emphasis, diversify locally
-Advance clean energy
-Minimize wasteful chemical emissions to air/water (power, transportation)
Poverty
-Make dignified housing accessible for anyone of any income
Prisons
-Rehabilitate criminals instead of caging them
-Legalize and monitor drugs
Fun Stuff
-Permanent, easy hair removal
-healthy cigarettes
-eliminate overhead power/phone lines
-design a community and/or pleasing home environment
-design own clothing/jewelry
-eliminate boring, standard, ticky-tacky houses, cars, buildings
Well, that’s a start. Off to bed now and maybe I’ll revise, prioritize and beef up the list so I can get some more direction in my life’s actions.
Changes (poem):
Stomach turning
Turning to face reality once again
How a paycheck can make you feel so far from your dreams
So here I am again
Spinning in the mud
Unimpressed with myself
At the end of the day, what was there to show for your efforts?
I’m so used to rewards
Am I just addicted?
Day 1/30: 20/20 vision naturally
So I’m now super stoked to try my eye experiment again. Back in August of last year I tried to restore my -3.5/-1.25 vision back to 20/20, with zero success. But I realized afterward that I had done it all wrong. I had focused on EXERCISING my way back to good vision, rather than RELAXING my way back to good vision.
http://www.eachlittlemystery.com/eyesight-improvement-test-round-2/
I have a feeling that learning to RELAX and doing this experiment correctly will also help me with my “Achieve orgasm within 5 minutes” experiment as well ;-)
I imagine the energy of RELAXATION will also help me with my “Stop pulling out and breaking my hair” 2012 Mission/Resolution.
EXCITED!!
I’m going to do some eye relaxation exercises tonight before bed, then start a routine tomorrow, which also involves not wearing glasses/contacts for another month (except while driving, of course).
Will refine the “routine” as I go so that I can offer it to you later as something that works. Will set my eye appointment for the end of April so I can verify the results.