Unfolding
Into the new chairs
Feeling so much more comfortable
In my skin
Had to leave and come back
Accepting my silly drives
And my youth
So much more patient now
Respectful of the ties that bind
Aware of my surroundings
And the genius currents of fate
I swim with more grace and awe
A wink to the universe
A good massage will feel like a spiritual experience! It will feel like the therapist is “reading your mind.” That is because massage is like a dance (I would say it’s like sex, but seeing as how we try so hard to keep those industries separate it’s a bad analogy!), where the therapist can feel what needs to be worked on, is tuned in to your body’s acceptance or resistance to his/her pressure levels, and adjusts automatically to what is encountered. Massage is a form of meditation for the therapist in that sense, where the mind is clear and focused, not unlike a good athlete will keep their mind clear and calm, so as to be at their most reactive/responsive state to whatever will be encountered.
I think I need a massage.
So, as promised, I’m following up on a hypothesis I decided to test out this weekend: whether wearing red would be more effective for gathering signatures for a political cause. (See: “Seeing Red: To Gather More Signatures for a Good Cause”; Also “Competence: An Informal Makeup Experiment”)
I must say I was quite pleased with the results. While I can’t verify anything I’m about to conjecture with hard numbers, I think this hypothesis holds promise.
So I chose a long-sleeved red shirt covered by a feminine-cut red hoodie with a simple, red girlie flower detail on the front to wear with some bell-bottomed jeans. What I noticed was that my charm was more effective with men for sure, in fact women walking by with male partners or pairs of two women tended to give me the competitive stink eye as a primal reaction before barely listening to what I was saying–not universally, some women did stop and talk with me–but I had better luck with men in pairs, and black men with or without a woman next to them (black men tend to find me more irresistible in general for some reason). The crowd heading to the concert in Stern Grove this weekend was more heavily black so this worked to my extra advantage.
All I had to do was say hello, and once a man (white or black) realized that a woman wearing red was saying hello to them, I could see something go off in their eyes for a split second that was drawing them to me, like I was reeling them in, and I had about 10 seconds to say something that would entice them to sign our postcards. I was getting at LEAST as many signatures as the other 3 in our group, and some people I connected with did stop at the last guy to sign his petition after connecting with me. We kind of operated as a unit because we were so close together.
The scenario was that people were walking down a hill quickly past us to get to the concert, so we had very little time to engage them. I was the only volunteer wearing a red shirt. There were two women, and two men; they were mostly in blue, green, or brown. One older, and one younger in each pair. Obviously we had to use the right words along with the right outfit to really snag our audience. I found a direct and personal approach worked best. Ask them right away to “Sign the postcard” use a couple key words “expose SUPER-PAC funding” of “political ads” and that we had “3 weeks left” to get the bill passed. Avoid the word “help” us. I noticed that that created confusion that we couldn’t fix in 3 seconds. “Do they want money? What kind of help? I don’t have time to help,” they seemed to be thinking. They did seem to notice I was there, which gave them a slight pause too. The red stood out against the trees in the background and at least made people wonder what we were doing.
Further evidence of the red appeal: Later when I was going to catch the train home, I made a mad-dash for a train I saw just sitting at the station. I was 3/4 the way up the ramp, thinking I’d get lucky, when the train took off. I saw the conductor’s blank face in the rear-view mirror and I jokingly pointed at him and mouthed the words “I know you saw me!” and he ACTUALLY stopped the train full of people and motioned for me to jump off the platform and run up to catch him and get on the train. I have to think my red top pulled at his heartstrings a little bit ;-) I then proceeded to sit next to and have a lovely conversation with a guy who had stayed up all night and was having a rough day “until he saw me.”
A couple days prior, I wore a red shirt out in downtown SF just for more data and was actually somewhat alarmed at the attention I was getting. I passed at least five men within five minutes who I felt looked me deeply in the eyes with an “I want to f*** you” message being strongly communicated. This level of attention was certainly above what I would consider to be normal, even for a decent-looking chick like me. So that was pretty strong confirmation of the red data I’ve seen on the internet as well.
I would definitely wear red again to collect signatures, I think this was a clear win this weekend.
What kind of fun have you been having with red?
I saw this chart a friend shared on Facebook, and I wondered if there was any link between how much leave a country mandates for its mothers versus how much social compassion exists in that country. To start answering this, I wanted to look at the economic disparities within the countries. I ended up making a chart of the number of weeks of mandatory paid maternity leave per country (as a percent of Canada’s 50 weeks) versus something I coined as the “Decision Makers Compassion Rating”, which is how much the average household makes per year compared to that country’s minimum wage. The idea being that if the average person makes double what a person on minimum wage makes, they are more likely to be a voter and a decision maker, and they are now so far removed from the less fortunate person’s circumstance that social care may lag. This, of course, assumes that wealthier people have more political sway.
The statistics are not perfectly researched (harder to find for South Africa and Pakistan, for example), but it is clear the the US ranks very very low (2nd only to Mexico on this chart) on the Compassion Rating as well as providing 0 weeks mandatory leave for mothers. The 48% Compassion Rating means the average US household takes in 52% more than the minimum wage earner.
Canada is not much better, showing the average Canadian household makes 40% more than a Canadian working minimum wage. So maybe its 50 weeks a year is a wonderful fluke!
Most of the other Compassionate countries on this chart do not have a wide income disparity between the average household and those making minimum wage. Surprisingly the numbers are above 90% in many cases. Exceptions are Mexico, Japan, and Spain.
A few countries got left off because apparently there is no minimum wage in a few countries. Wages there are determined through bargaining agreements. Learned something new…
Not sure if the evidence is conclusive, but it’s a start to a hypothesis…
Reflecting tonight…one of the greatest tragedies of my business closing in January 2011 was that I was so afraid i’d get into trouble with the city that I didn’t even try to approach them to ask for help or leniency, even when one person suggested it. I think this could be a great, harrowing example of controlling parental authority energy affecting a grown woman. I had a thriving business that the clients, neighborhood, vendors, and landlord loved. And yet I was too afraid to approach a district supervisor to ask for leniency or help in expediting our permit process, having had the city drag its feet for over 8 months, making zero progress. Looking back on the situation, I can now see how conceivably the city could have understood my situation and, with my bright record of having perfectly permitted my previous two spaces could have sensed my good intentions. Yet I feared punishment, and in a rare act of erring on the conservative side, I closed doors. Of course there were other factors, but that one stands out tonight as something I’ve never noticed about that situation.
I think there’s also something to be said about having grown up lower middle class, or higher poor class, haha, that fed me with a steady stream of messages like: The rich are greedy and want to keep the poor poor, politicians are only here to screw us over for their own benefit, etc. I think subconsciously I still have some purging to do from those mantras that brainwashed me as a child. They keep you from reaching out to your community for help when you need it, telling you that you are forever on your own and that others don’t want you to do well, which I’ve really found not actually to be the case. Yes, success at first can alienate some people around you who may feel jealous (witness my last two college roommates who seethed in self pity at my “I got a job!” celebration dinner). But on a whole, if you succeed, that means you’ve probably created something that benefits the community, and it is in the community’s best interest to then help you succeed further, in a positive feedback loop.
I suppose this revelation comes on the downside of tonight’s last astrology class in a four-week session. It’s kind of like going to therapy in a way. You do a lot of talking in a group about how your life makes sense to you through the symbolism on the charts.
Another revelation that came out of tonight was a new way for me to think about reincarnation. I’ve always had trouble with the concept of a soul, and worse, a soul which shows back up in another human body. But the idea that humans are born of light, that is, radiation from the sun and the way it became scattered or absorbed actually caused life to happen in all its myriad forms. So what is dying and being reborn on our planet is not souls so much as it is light running its course from mutation to entropy. THAT I am comfortable with. :)
Time for a new experiment! I’m on a team trying to get AB1648 passed in CA, the CA DISCLOSE ACT, which basically forces (shady) political ads to disclose who ACTUALLY funded the advertisement.
So I had this idea that if I’m going to help collect signatures, I could use SCIENCE to help us maximize our effectiveness. Up until now, the campaign has been wearing GREEN shirts when gathering signatures. My hypothesis is that wearing RED shirts will get us more signatures. What do you think?
Funny, as I gave the opposite advice to the SAVE the RAVE committee when we were preparing to appear at City Hall to speak as a group. I suppose I didn’t want the ravers to come off as aggressive people, as we were trying to plead the case that electronic dance music wasn’t a threat to youth nor law enforcement. I think it worked for us not to wear red in that case!
Red helps you stand out:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2012/08/08/could-wearing-red-boost-your-earnings/
Men are friendlier to women who wear red:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/9220356/Men-prefer-women-in-red-because-they-think-they-will-sleep-with-them-on-first-date.html
Women are more attracted to men who wear red:
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-501465_162-20012387-501465.html
Red intimidates your competition or at least puts the judges in your favor:
http://www.minnpost.com/second-opinion/2012/08/does-color-olympians-clothing-affect-competition-outcomes
Results to come Sunday afternoon!
The last couple of days I’ve felt somewhat neurotic. It helps to remember that that is part of the human experience. We are neurotic–literally–creatures with a central nervous system, including brain matter and retina. What we see or remember triggers the brain to send the body signals to take action in favor of self-protection.
It’s easy to start hating your brain after a while. It’s always telling you how awful things are and causing you to feel pain, or making you want to run back to things that made you feel good, or safe. That’s why so many traditions have emphasized the practice of being heart-centered. People always say things like “Trust your instincts!”, but instincts can be brain-centered or heart-centered. I’m still not super clear on how to tell if you are moving through the heart, but it does help to physically connect with the heart to get its beat, so to speak. I imagine that focusing the mind on the heart allows the chemicals or signals from our thoughts time to mix so that we can act in a more integrated way.
I think those of us with more neurotic tendencies probably have nervous systems on higher alert and we benefit most from practices that literally drain the body of excess nervous energy (vigorous exercise), or slow down the heart and quiet the mind (yoga, breathwork).
But we are here to have a human experience, nerves and all, so the next time you are driving yourself crazy, stop and remember just how wonderful it is that you can do that at all ;-)
Here’s my list of ideas I don’t have time to pursue, in case you want one. No guarantees they don’t already exist though:
“Digital Estate”: a company that collects all your family’s digital photos and uses face recognition software to tag and label them into categories, and organizes/stores all your digital documents that will be family keepsakes.
“Health Ensurance”: a company that takes your monthly monies and gives you access to fitness memberships, all preventative care, healthy food stamps, vitamins, alternative health options, sleep trackers for lower rates, etc…
One-way Zip scooters (like ZipCars)
“Urban Farming Pots”: a company that will hook you up with your own organic veggie garden in pots/tubs, maybe will come by to maintain it for a small fee if needed and help you manage surplus/lack amongst your neighbors
“Political Living Room” a website where friends can gather to discuss current events/politics and rally behind common causes
———
TMI Warning:
And now for the orgasm portion. I announced several months back that I was setting a goal of orgasm within 5 minutes of sex. It was an ambitious goal at the time, but I believe it has been achieved (can’t say I was looking at a clock to be honest) within reason. Achieved sober but the breakthrough was crucially informed by an altered state of mind. It was truly an international effort and I’d like to acknowledge Northern California, England, and Italy natives for their respective contributions along the way. ;-) And Google, like this article. It’s true, kids, being in your 30s is awesome.
“Goodbye San Francisco…as always, I wish I hadn’t been so shy…unrealized adventures…I’ll be braver next time!”
A great big guy sat next to me on the BART tonight. He smelled terrific, like clean and just a light, slightly sweet scent. I felt like telling him, “Wow! You smell terrific!”. Then this little voice told me all the reasons I shouldn’t say anything to him. I obliged at first, then got brave. “Thank you!” He said proudly, “It’s an oil, Happy by Clinique.” He was like a big teddy bear.
During my brief silent pause, I thought of the woman(?) who wrote the above words on a bathroom wall I photographed last week (Philz Coffee, Mission). Reflecting on my six years in the city, I’ve become quite brave (reference Folsom Street Fair and this year’s Pride Parade), but I can always be braver. We can all be braver in pursuit of a life lived without regrets of what we could have experienced if we hadn’t been so shy.
I lost a bit of my natural ability to connect with people living in the city and riding bus in the Mission all the time. After a couple times trying to chat with people who didn’t speak English or just ignored me, I probably went into my shell a bit more than felt natural. I’m getting back to my old self slowly but surely, and it feels great :)
Even met a Bozeman family transplant today at church and a Canadian on the BART.
Excelsior! (Ever upward)
Having achieved a house to live in that met every criteria I asked for (near BART, in price range, 2nd story, 2 or more housemates, accepting of cat, hot tub, ability to decorate living room), I thought I would further test my manifestation abilities the other day:
I received in the mail a few weeks ago a car key, and a flyer from my credit union about a used car sale happening. The flyer announced that a winning key had been mailed out and that one only needed to show up at the used car sale and test the key in their lock box to see if it was a winner. So a week ago, the second/final day of the sale, I had stashed the key and flyer in my purse and headed off to church. I had allotted just enough time to get to church assuming a bus would come within 10 minutes. When I got to the stop, the scrolling screen announced more than a 30-minute wait. I glanced across the street and noticed a bus was coming for the opposite direction. That bus would take me toward the used car sale. I decided to run across the street and take that bus instead.
I stopped off at a coffee shop along the way, pondering my odds of winning the car, which was a 2012 Mercedes. I also considered my need for a car. I was soon to be moving to Berkeley, and between coaching and my businesses a car might really come in handy. I wondered to myself whether I could affect my luck by simply believing that I would win. A few months back, I had attended a summit where a coach’s name was drawn from a basket of names (of which mine was also included). When she won, she declared she just *knew* she was going to win. She had wanted it oh-so badly. I remember having felt somewhat indifferent about whether I would win. So I wondered if the desire to win could really impact the odds of one winning, and thought I might test this hypothesis.
It is said that to get what you desire, you must bring yourself to the frequency of whatever it is you desire. In this case, I imagined myself sitting in my new Mercedes, feeling not surprised that I won it, feeling like its owner. I tried to imagine myself winning it and feeling what that would feel like, but as if I had *known* I would win it all along. This was a difficult visualization! I wasn’t sure exactly what this energy should feel like, but I tried meditating on it as I finished my breakfast.
One thought that interrupted me was “What if someone already has won the car yesterday?” I knew this was within the realm of possibilities, yet I tried not to dwell on it so as to not have it affect the outcome! I also thought, “How could you change destiny now?” The keys had been chosen several weeks prior, so was there even a way to affect the outcome at this point by the power of my mind? Although the likely answer was “no”, I continued my “New Mercedes” energy and traveled on toward the used car sale.
When I arrived at the sale, the faces of the men sitting at the “Try your key here” table said it all. The car had been won the day before. I shrugged it off, tried the key in the box anyway for good measure, and went inside the lot to browse the vehicles. Immediately one car stood out to me: a used 2009 Smart car with a white exterior, sunroof, and a flashy red interior. I remarked what a funny-looking car it was, and the salesman asked me if I wanted to drive it. I did. I had been thinking about driving a Smart car ever since I started seeing them during my valet jobs. Everyone kept telling me how poorly they drive, how stupid they look, and how unsafe they must be, but I could only see the benefits: likely safer than a moped or motorcycle and could cart groceries and/or two people.
And with the convertible top open and the fun gear shift hand pedals, I just fell in love driving it! Before I knew it I was inside making the deal happen and had papers in hand. I decided to have my law firm review the papers, which annoyed the sales guys, who wanted to finalize the sale same-day. At that point I was in a hurry to leave to my next appointment. The sales guy asked me if I wanted to put down a deposit, but I decided to play my bets that it wouldn’t sell and told him no, that I’d just get back to him the next day.
Around 4pm the next day I had finalized insurance quotes and had an attorney review the contract with me, but by the time I called in, the salesperson let me know with as much empathy as he could muster that they had sold my car the night before. “Well, I took that risk,” I told him, and he mentioned I could look online for similar cars at their Fremont dealership. I decided then to pay the local SF Smart car dealership a visit, to see what they had in stock. After speaking with the sales lady there, she mentioned the terrific lease deal they had going for new Smart cars. I told her about the model I had tried out and she candidly mentioned that they had improved a lot since then (transmissions especially) and stopped just short of saying that she wouldn’t recommend the used version anyway.
So in the end, I may end up with a brand new 2012 Mercedes after all, and for less money than the used version would have cost me. Was it the power of my mind? Did I just manifest a car? Did I want it so strongly that it made itself happen, albeit in the most unexpected way? I’ll give this experiment a solid *maybe*. :)