I consider myself an Independent. I’m pretty sure that’s the box I’ve checked most of the past 16 years. I lean Democrat, especially when Republicans start doing idiotic or dangerous things, like putting Sarah Palin up for the second highest office in the land. But this week, I signed up for both parties’ Facebook, Tweets, and emails, to stay informed.

And in my first GOP email was a survey about what is important to the party moving forward. So I thought that was an opportune time to let them know what I feel ought to be important to Republicans, if they want my vote.

I didn’t expect to learn much from this experience but I think I did. One main concept that hit home was what was implied by the idea that Republicans want smaller government AND lower taxes. These were both options available in a multiple-choice test of my priorities.

I chose smaller government, because, in theory, I favor a LEAN government. An efficient one. But what hit home for me was that lower tax rates was a way of reducing the size of government, because, without revenue, the government must scale back. Taken too far, this would be very detrimental to our society, and I think we are already seeing evidence of this: reduced spending on higher education; reduced funding for court systems, etc.

Government must be adequately funded to protect the interest of its citizens. When this gets eroded, the people must demand proper funding.

It’s ironic that the Tea Party has become a radical right wing movement, as what our forefathers wanted was the ability to be represented and taxed properly. But the conservatives now keep singing “taxes kill business growth”, because they know that playing on people’s job insecurities is a winning strategy in our current economy. If we continue to let big businesses skate by untaxed, the government will have less and less power to reign in corporate interests over public good.

And that would be Intolerable. That would require Revolution.

Purify your thoughts, change your world

Tired of hearing about “lack of jobs”. People don’t want jobs, they want a steady paycheck. Problem is, we have to help each other too. And actually being helpful morally is far superior to earning a paycheck for no good reason. Psychic tells me if I am not getting the paycheck I need, I’m not being helpful, or at least not true to myself. I ponder this. I feel that’s kind of like saying you are all precious and unique and worth millions. Well, if each of us was giving and helpful enough that millions of people benefitted, that could be true.

If you *could* help millions of people do something, what would it be?

-to make them smile or laugh?
-to make them reflect deeply and think?
-to get them talking?
-to give them hope?
-to show them another world?
-to transport them far away, or deep inside?
-to help them heal or level-up?
-to make their lives just a little easier?
-to stand up for them when others won’t?
-to guide them through things you’ve been through?
-to show them greater pleasures, higher planes?
-to surprise or wow them?
-to captivate or charm them?
-to show them support, lend an ear, give an outlet?
-to fix what is broken

I could go on…there are so many ways to help that don’t seem like a “job”. I just hate that word.

Autism now linked to pesticides
ADD linked to pesticides
Nervous system disrupters
This is duh

We made food as perfect as it could be by controlling and sterilizing everything
We may be sterilizing ourselves now
I guess biodome really happened
Trapped now with our heat and exhalations
Need to pop a tube through our atmosphere and vacuum it out a bit ;-)
I kid! I kid!

What are my exhalations doing for the planet anyway?
Why isn’t my backyard covered in solar panels?
Why am I again yearning to be reunited with the world outside myself
Have I lost my way again?
So quickly?

Immersed in another’s world like a drug
Inhaling all its magic and delights
Forgetting my body and suffering
Getting fatter from the anxieties

And the fibromyalgia all around me
Which makes you talk a lot
And takes away your motivation
All clues

As if, if I were to solve the problems nearest me
The whole world would level-up
The heavy metal poisoning
The staff infections
The incessant gabbing
Hours of zoning out
Mold, allergens, strokes
Vaccinations

As if enough of these things push at your door, that one day, it’s you on the receiving end.

But I’m lucky. Or I’ve done something right. If it’s the latter, I’m in no place yet to be helpful. As much mulling it all over as I do, alas, I tend to like to keep busy. Hyperactive maybe.

And who knows?
Maybe I’ll be a great financial manager.
My chart predicts it.
Others have tried to rope me in to their schemes.
But I’m romantic.
I need a good story.
There–now you’ve seen my Achilles.

Today I got a new business account. An “umbrella” account, for ChristinaMC, so that’s exciting.

Pondering the security risks of what it means to reveal your actions or intentions to the world, after a social media friend’s indiegogo campaign led to an armed robbery.

Pondering impermanence, after just watching a film about San Francisco graffitti taggers. About taking the journey without dwelling on the result too much. About how that perspective is dynamic. About how any thought is just a course-correction from another idea.

Finally, pondering love, and how to be awesome at being in love. How to bring intention into the small moments, and how to stay fresh.

I was feeling very tired and lazy tonight, after two days back in the gym and work, so to keep myself from being a social media zombie in my bedroom all night, I took myself to the new X-men movie. I have loved all the X-men movies I’ve seen so far, but this one was a spiritual experience for me. In other words, I wept, in resonance with the part about the power of hope.

I’ve been talking lately about the importance of learning from your past so that you can move on to better things. Part of this movie hit home for me–about things I learned as a university track and field coach.

Part of what made my last year of coaching so difficult was having eight athletes on my squad, with incredible athletic potential, and seeing the immense obstacles that were between them and their potential. In the movie X-men, they talked about how difficult it is to bear someone else’s suffering while holding out hope for them. I think perhaps I was not prepared to coach a group of that size with their levels of obstacles. It made my college experience seem like a breeze compared to what they were up against: learning disabilities, abuse, family problems, financial hardship, physical handicap, etc. I began to suffer along with them, and I was already dealing with my own extreme physical and financial hardships myself.

It reminded me of the immense love and power the coaches and teachers in my life showed in guiding me to where I am today, despite the hardships I endured in my youth.

And I wept knowing to my core, just what it feels like to have such high hopes for people you care about, and the immense suffering that their suffering causes you in bearing witness to it. It reminded me that coaching at a Division II level, when I had come from a Division I level, was not a step down but rather a step higher in degree of difficulty, something that didn’t really hit home until my final year there.

I made a lot of mistakes in how I handled my suffering that year, and moving forward, I’m much more appreciative of the requirements one takes on as a coach–a believer–one who takes on your suffering–and gives you the gift of hope.