L-rations and the perfect high
Pulling through together
And naming our light
Lessons and labels
A weekend for love
Never expected to be comfortable
My cup poureth over
I was only happy when it rained
But now that I know
I’ve set out a pail
Yearly Archives: 2014
Ghold
All fun and games
Until someone gets arrested
Gets a stroke
Cancer from the monkey virus
Playing dumb
Got no luxury of thinking time
When you’re in survival mode
We wanna go somewhere together
Starting small
Go big or go home.
Moving On
I think something has finally hit home over the past few days. I’m dating a younger man, and I’m very attracted to his optimism and heart. I’ve had a couple very long relationships in which someone’s past was weighing them down every day.
A conversation last night with a friend reminded me that some people just don’t deal with their issues, so they continue to experience problems and trouble for much longer than a person should.
Said a recent boyfriend regarding his last serious relationship: “She dumped me, and I have no idea why.”
In individuals with stunted growth, there is an inability to face the truth/reality of a problematic situation. They seek to avoid suffering the mental processing of why things went badly, and the inevitable changes that will bring, perhaps still reeling from the trauma of the last change.
If you don’t know why your last relationship ended, or why you were fired, it is YOUR responsibility to find out or craft a narrative that places proper responsibility for bad outcomes, while keeping intact a paradigm that involves you thriving in relationships moving forward.
A relationship advice piece I read recently said that one way to tell if you’re dating someone great is that they know why their last relationship ended.
This is important.
Because if you’re stuck in the “I’m not sure why girls don’t like me” train of thought, there is no hope for change. You’ve falsely assumed the worst about yourself: that you are unlovable, or undeserving. And neither of those stories are attractive, so your destiny becomes a self-fulfilled tragedy.
Goodnight NYC
Goodnight
To your loud, filthy subways
And the art and musicians that call them home
Goodnight to the kid in the crop top, two-tone afro
Who wants to be the greatest
And makes sure you know it
With the stickers of himself he plasters on the walls
Goodnight to the wildlife
The too-friendly squirrels and rats
And birds hovering near my plate
Goodnight to the museums
Where inspiration is guaranteed
And the pizza, and the hot dogs
And the coffee
Goodnight to your warm breezes
And safe streets
Where cops politely tell panhandlers to move on
And ask if you need a map
Goodnight to the shopkeepers and their curtesy
Everyone trying to keep up with the rents
Goodnight to lady liberty and all you stand for
My love of country is now more complete
Daily reflections again, prep for NYC
As I recalled my 365-day poetry challenge back in 2009/2010 for my new boyfriend, it reminded me of the utility of journaling daily. My friend Diane brought up patterns recently, and journaling helps you to reflect and recognize patterns of thinking and action that, if not recorded, might go easily forgotten.
I’m leaving for NYC in about 4 hours. It will be my first time there, and it feels like a really big milestone for me. I feel like it is the one crucial part of our country that I have not yet explored (secondarily Chicago and Boston). So a part of me feels like my connection to America will feel more complete with this journey. Deep down, I’m a home-lover. And this country is very strongly my home. I also think visiting this city will help test my newly-stretched boundaries of what being a newcomer feels like. When I first came to San Francisco, the buildings were so tall and uninviting, the people distant and unreachable. The city really intimidated me. Years later, I regularly climb to its peaks with strangers and look down at the tiny buildings and wonder how I ever managed to feel so small and isolated. NY will certainly test that again, and I’m looking forward to it :-)
Write tonight
Tonight I want to be a spinster
I wanna weave words
Into magic blankets
Cover us both with them
Create a world where only beauty and art exist
Our dream fort
I want to write a song that makes your soul dance
I want to be a part of the unfolding
A beacon for the lost
A curator of knowledge and truth
The wise old woman
Who sits in the town square
And points you in the right direction
Or offers you a shoulder to cry on
Or ears to listen
This brief life is a strange little ride
Consciousness poured into funny-looking vessels
Hoping that our mutation adds something to the mix
Forgetting we are One in many
So I’m gonna write tonight
I’m tired of reading
Inspire myself
Spread my wings and fly
Material-Shifting
Uninterrupted
By the mystics and imbalanced seekers
We plod on
As if we’re all in agreement about what’s happening here
Our brains teach us to see the world
Predictably
We are creators in and of a virtual playground
That
Most days
Feels real
There are so many alien forms on this planet
We hardly need to look elsewhere
Not the least of which
Looks back from the mirror
And who thought to condense infinity
Into human moments?
It must be
Otherwise this delicious short lifetime
Would feel too brief
Forget asking people to pay you money for being authentic
Surely this is a human invention
Coaches are swindlers in New Age clothing
Imagine if birds demanded a fee to sing
How staged and awkward it would feel
Pulling up our folded chairs for the performance
But fools love to part with themselves
And their money
Americans embrace the temporarily embarrassed millionaire
Schtick
Oh, how we like to feel embarrassed
Ashamed
Insecure
Striving
Overrated emotions
Acceptance is a nobler path
If you gave of your talents more freely
You’d have staggering returns
But you’re too worried about making the wrong choices
And hoping nobody finds out
Doesn’t the early bird get the worm?
Well, anyway
It’s all material-shifting
If you’re into that sort of thing
I’m in an apathetic phase
Having purged my childhood fantasies
I’m learning a new game
It feels mindless
But the faculties are intact
I’m tired of evangelizing
And beating myself up
I just want to make 100%
Pure love
Dancing
If you’re not listening and dancing
It’s abuse
Your stomach knows when it needs food
Your children know when they need nourishment
And they’ll tell you if you’d listen
Mr. Jesus died holier than thou
ALL abuse will take you to hell
A deeply personal painful hell
Right here
Parallel to this life
Don’t you see it’s happening right now?
Karma doesn’t tally over the years and assess evil on a tipping scale
There are far too many deformed fetuses for that nonsense
We don’t live in a simple world
Where I sin and you’re forgiven
It’s a messy, messy ever-changing growth-fest
Without heavenly oversight
And if you wait for Armageddon or the rapture you’ll have missed the whole point
You’ve got to be willing to set the crutches aside and start putting pressure on that foot again
Because the way we treat ourselves and others has vast consequence
In an age of rapid replication
When one bad day can ripple across the internet, around the world
We’d best be learning to dance again
With ourselves first
Learn your own body, mind, tendencies
And learn to play well with others
Love smarter
Learn more
Be willing to see another perspective
So we can all dance
Pisces was a candy shop
Diving into the mystery of us
As we dance
A moment stretches into infinity
And I find myself
Deep within us
Entered a psychic tunnel
Dark and full of truth and intensity
I saw you there
For a split second
And it was so beautiful
I cried for having been a witness
Enough?
Enough, enough, enough
For a specimen like me
Never satisfied
And I must accept that
And know the drive will always be
Raging like an infinite fire