I’m up at “midnight” after sleeping a good 3 hours, and found a great article on astrology, which has given me some more career insights.

http://www.astro.com/astrology/in_dgtenthhouse_e.htm

Think what you will of astrology, but the language and discussion around its concepts has shed more light onto my life than anything else, other than direct observations from people who know me well.

Regarding the 10th house:

““What’s my life direction? Is it time for a change? Am I in the right field?” Into the 10th we’re pushed and prodded more than any other area of life. Meet someone new and you can’t help asking a 10th house question: “What do you do for a living?”

“The Midheaven represents the Sun’s culmination, its highest reach on the day you were born. Correspondingly, it signifies how high you can go this lifetime.”

Even though, as the author of this article admits: “in deathbed scenes, people rarely express regret [nor] gather comfort from their career choices… Rarely do the dying obsess about 10th house things.”

But what really hit home was this insight: “Whatever the sign in your 10th house, you’ve got to grow your professional image beyond your childhood strategies and take your place in the world with maturity and strength. To do this, you must take a journey as old as myth. Just getting older won’t do it. You have to kill the king, or in modern parlance, face the boss…Modern astrologers give Saturn the natural rulership of this house. Saturn is the planet of authority. And claiming your authority is THE 10th house passage. A child has no choice but to listen to its authority figures. An adult must grapple with these figures, good or bad, and overtake them.”

She goes on to talk about authority, and how others treat you when you have it, which I have experienced: “Some days it seemed that mythical parent-child battles were all that was really going on. Become an authority figure and you’ll quickly find this out. Your intentions are misperceived, your praise is never enough, your criticisms are exaggerated and devastating. In fact you’re not really you at all, but some god or monster, depending on their filter. If you want to be liked, forget it, because everyone really does need to kill you in order to grow.”

I like the concept of claiming your authority as a crucial career-defining step, however. It’s empowering.

It reminds me of an activist I worked with over the past few years, who had a message for me to pass on to my CEO(s): “Leaders need to lead.”

We must resolve our childhoods and claim the ground we want to step onto. This is part of becoming “who you want to be when you grow up.”

And it seems fitting as I enter my 35th birthday, and begin another new job. Will I finally step into my Taurus moon, and give the Gemini act a break? Yes, I’ve done oh-so-many interesting things and have oh-so-many interesting stories, but it may be time to settle into my now-better-known better qualities and take off from there.

Here we are, back in Aries. My last month of being 34. It’s almost as if I’ve lived two lives: before and after 18.

As my boyfriend and I walked down Ocean Blvd in Long Beach tonight, I remarked at how far I’ve come from Montana. Everywhere you look here, you’ll see some kind of Palm tree. And so many Birds of Paradise plants. I have to keep reminding myself that parts of the country are under snow.

I am 40 pounds overweight currently, which makes me feel older. I think my more regular schedule will help bring my cravings back under control.

It’s remarkable that I’ve had so much freedom the past 9 years: to vacation as often as I wanted; to work as many days a week as I wanted (which usually meant every day). My current transition back into structure, and the “freedoms” it offers, is already an adjustment.

An episode of Park and Rec tonight spoke of “tourist” syndrome: described as someone who stays a couple years here and there and just takes away stories, rather than caring long-term for the communities and people they touch. That has felt like me, pretty much since I left high school. Probably even before that. When you get uprooted at a young age you learn not to invest because of the heartache it is sure to cause later. The show described a “tourist” as selfish, which sounds harsh. It is probably true in the raw sense, but a negative connotation is not necessary. We can’t always be settlers in life: in some stages we are tourists. But now, just maybe with this partner at this time in my life, I’ll have another opportunity to settle.

Settling in
It found me
Sitting in my feminine
My favorite mode
Put on a flashy outfit
One that reflects my mood
And let them find you
This is the do-over
Will I rush in, mad and worried?
Or will I breathe
Plan
And execute
No rush
No spinning of wheels
No pounding down doors
Just solid actions
Follow-up

The Universe has simple laws
And your body knows the way
Even if your consciousness doesn’t know it
Three pounds of bacteria talk to your brain

Earlier today, I played with a swarm of bees
Like a pitbull
They just wanted to test whether I was afraid
I was not
I earned their respect

I watched a live birth on video
the whole thing
for the first time
and it put the fear in me
it’s good not to have any delusions
Though i wonder if she had listened to her own cues to push,
whether she could have avoided the hemorraging

I’m in a health experiment
Like always
Since my last trip to Pakistan
I’ve gained and gained the weight
Now I have work and a new chapter
so we will see where the rhythms take me

You learn a lot when you take on something new.

My first week, I thought I was no good at security. But then I got to the saying “no” part, and it turns out I’m pretty good at that! Makes sense, as my mom says my first word was “no.”

Working at a “Natural Products” Expo this weekend has been quite the experience.