I’m out of shape. I’m sick. And it’s making me really angry/upset tonight.

I’m mad that I have a well-paying job that is minimally physically demanding.

What, are you some kind of ungrateful idiot?

I get it. But hear me out.

Until I graduated from college, I thrived on at least 3 hours of exercise a day. My high-paying oil company job greatly decreased my capacity for that much exercise, and I got fatter.

I quit my job for the more healthy career of a massage therapist, followed by a track and field coach. Riding my bicycle to work and then coaching 4-8 hours/day was perfect for me. I hiked and valeted cars. I ran after buses and walked everywhere. I was very active and in shape.

I slowly ran out of money and time in the day to make more of it. I took a high-paying job in the suburbs, and not-that-slowly started getting fat again. And it continues.

I’m angry because I couldn’t make my life work financially doing what I loved and what kept me healthy.

I’m angry that so many of my friends seem to be in financial lack. I’m angry that the only thing “working” for so many of my Facebook friends is network marketing.

I’m angry that I’m too sick or tired to exercise.

Why can’t moms just be moms? Why do they have to become someone else’s marketer? I’m worried for them. I’m worried they’re just starving themselves and patting each other on the back.

I’m worried about a country who thinks the rational response to a health crisis is a liquid diet rather than fundamentally changing the way we live and work.

Or, just as unhealthy, the manic-depression of the desk worker/weekend warrior or cross-fitter.
Why can’t athletic coaches get paid a liveable salary? Why is being a mother of no value except to a (hopefully) bread-winning husband or a couple looking to buy eggs?

Why are so many people being forced to work more and more years of their life before starting a family?

How is any of this GOOD for us???

I’m angry that a politician who refuses to take money from special interests is considered RADICAL.

All this together is really shaking my love of country.

I hate that we are so poor (as the 99%) that we’d prefer JOBS/OIL over CLEAN AIR.

That we’d rather get high than fight for change or think about our problems.

That we consider the sharing economy revolutionary, and not just a symptom of our collective decreasing spending power. Our acquiescence to become forever tenants and never landlords. We don’t even buy music anymore. We don’t own things. It’s all subscription. “Convenience.” Groupon is a household term because we can’t afford normal prices. It’s a race to the bottom.

I’m mad that we accept academically that the “new economy” means stitching together several poorly-paying jobs and being as mobile as possible for our employers.

I hate what this is doing to families, especially children.

I hate people telling me to just think more positively.

I’m angry that so many people in their desperation have fallen prey to gurus who offer financial freedom if only we could all just become more authentic and higher vibrational. Personal growth will save us all! After all, if you’re down and out, most certainly it’s YOUR fault and shortcoming somehow for not living up to your God-given potential. Just become a better person with a better attitude, then you’ll never want again! More #hastags should do the trick!

Meanwhile, the list of things my friends will never accomplish due to not having money is like a punch to the gut.

Were we poor stewards of the money we had? Did we take on too much debt? Or did we really have a choice? Surely we should just blame ourselves for not living the Capitalism Dream…