Dad: You’re not going to have kids, you’re gonna have calculators. You tell him I said that. Just let me know if you name your first one R2 or D2.

Mom, I don’t have frickin’ fibromyalgia! I’ve slept on 7 different beds the past 7 nights.

Me: Mom, how would you describe my personality when I was 10 years old? Am I still the same?
Dad (raises eyebrow): Weird
Me: I didn’t ask you, Dad!
Mom: Bouncy, bubbly…the same. Inquisitive, involved.

Dad: Want some hot Dr. Pepper with lemon? It’s what ails ya…