You learn a lot when you take on something new.
My first week, I thought I was no good at security. But then I got to the saying “no” part, and it turns out I’m pretty good at that! Makes sense, as my mom says my first word was “no.”
Working at a “Natural Products” Expo this weekend has been quite the experience.
She digs through the trash
Afraid to just ask
She plays detective
Tapes the shreds of paper back together
Both flattered and hurt by what she reads
She’s a little stronger now
Playing a scientist
She’s obsessed with the truth
Can’t relate to a human
Operating system beyond logic
She sees the world in binaries
And gets angry a lot
She wants the world to be other than it is
Her actions become futile
Her stories, irrelevant
She spins her wheels
And waits for a savior
Grabbing at shiny objects and holding on to them too long
Her bravery overcame her
Too big for the bank account
She folded
Learned to be brave in new ways
Ask a stranger for subway fare
Hitchhike
Then, the bravest, accepting a partner
Authenticity is becoming more relevant in society, and it seemed to be the theme of the Grammy award winners this year.
Beyoncé’s Drunk in Love, my least favorite song of the year, won for R&B. I can only speculate that it’s because she seemed to let her hair down a bit in that song. It was like hearing the living room version of Beyoncé: drunk, intimate conversations between her and her husband and, er, ebonics.
A big winner for the night was Sam Smith, who I’ll admit I didn’t *get*. He’s too sappy for me, a true Cancer male. I wrote him off my radar after hearing his songs for the first time. But his most touching speech revealed that he finally got the traction he desired by “being himself,” rather than trying to lose weight and any other number of things that gets Hollywood’s attention. Apparently, he is a well-loved songwriter in Hollywood so I think that explains his popularity even more. But his songs do feel like very personally *his* songs…it’s a true expression, one that just happens not to suit my taste, no matter how catchy!
I was disappointed for Iggy Azalea, whose songs were all over the radio in 2014. But she seems to get blasted constantly in the media for her “authenticity.” And it really makes one question what is authenticity, when a white rapper comes on the US scene from Australia, sporting a southern black accent and language. Conversely, Eminem won the best rapper award, and has proved his “authenticity” by bringing back his old homophobic and violent lyrics and not showing up to grab his award ;-)
Many years ago, I remember someone speculating that the jobs in the “next economy” would require more specialization; that is, it would be important for each person to bring their unique gifts to the marketplace, since, after automization of most routine jobs, the remaining jobs would become more niche. I think this is happening, and it calls for a higher level of authenticity, of knowing one’s self. Because it is hard to market yourself to employers when you don’t know who you are!
Financial psychic Andrrea Hess talks about your “authentic self” being the most profitable self also. The New Age community talks a lot about your soul purpose, which sounds a lot like “things that make you happy.” And while I think every dream is not necessarily monetizable, it does make sense that you are going to be more persistent and determined to succeed doing things you love to do.
Authenticity…
Resolutions are too quaint
This year is a Renaissance
Covered in paint and red glitter
Needing to create
Consuming too much
Getting back in touch with energy
Developing a mindset–no, a mind flow
Talking to the universe
Not always fighting
Were the dark ages caused by men’s minds
Turning to darkness?
Or did the light warriors lay down and die?
Well, this is my Renaissance
I picked up her urn tonight
Just to feel her weight again
And imagined her current state of consciousness
Now that she no longer has a cat body
And I wonder
Since you can experience sugar’s highly vibrating crystal consciousness by eating sugar
Psychedelic mushroom consciousness by eating a mushroom
If she has acute awareness now
Having swallowed death into her veins
Of being formless
Brainless
Senseless
And if she counts her life in millennia instead of minutes
And if she yearns to die to her nothingness
And experience life again
Bursting on the scene
Dejavu
Too this, not enough that
Truth is, we don’t know you
Not sure if we can trust you
What are you all about?
How should I know?
We are 80% our environment and I don’t know what that is yet
But I won’t be awed by your tall buildings
I won’t feel shut out from your cafes
I will make friends
Build intimacy
Go deep and reach for roots
Surely someone here has a heart I can grow with
When people are worried about their jobs, they will tolerate a lot of bullshit.
Excruciating
The planning of one’s life
I much prefer the just doing
The pressure, like a trap room where the ceiling slowly lowers
The narrowing down of options into the retroactively obvious one
The reinvention
I should love it
But I’m tired
And I can’t afford to be
What is beyond our dreams?
When there is nothing to do or be
What is this drive
Does it copulate like I do?
Send me to someone who will open new doors for me?
I dove deep
And I’m not the one, not the one
But I can’t tell them that
When my presence can give life
We are all vibrating
Different frequencies
Gathering to resonate
No, no, no, no
Finally a yes
Don’t water what you don’t want to grow
Fuck your jobs
Make love to them
As if they made you deliriously happy
Except in our country
We build to eat
A game of grow grow grow
But some of us are tired of the game
We want a new game
Where would authenticity take us?
Or is it just testosterone disguised as honesty?
Can I be reduced to my chemistry
My fucked-up overdrive traced back through my bloodlines
Nature rewarding the over-strivers
Ah–never thought of it that way
Nature rewarding the consumer with her bounty
As if it were her idea
But it’s not
It’s a dance
We move, she moves
(Can we trust the hive-mind to lead our steps? Or do we need better leadership?)
I digress
Tonight I’m empty
I have no dreams
This feels like a great loss
Like a pity
So unAmerican
I’m back in high school
An achiever with no community
No one to love
I venture out of my cave
Belong or create
Or can I just breathe
What does unemployment mean
Such a sterile word
So many must know now
Google
Depression/suicide, stress, unhealthy habits, risks of addiction, loneliness, isolation, loss of skills, reduced quality of life, lower pay for all, loss of trust in government/political instability
I feel that pain
I’ve courted this lover
And we all need to keep pulling people out of the muck
Trust in your spirit
Which has a destiny mapped by the choices of your ancestors
Within the freedom granted by your environment
And just dance
My mind is a bright and bustling place
Lots of colors and noises and music and pictures
I’ve learned to sit with it in total silence
And you wonder what it is that gives it life?
Could it all stop working in an instant
Can I notice its slow decay?
The chemistry keeps it healthy
Lots of positive happy vibes