The friction
The pain of many needs
At odds
The pain of being separate
And not understanding
The pain of not knowing
Who or what to trust
The pain of believing
When no one else does
The pain of investment
And then letting go
Trying to do it all
Overcommitted
No one believes you
When you say you can’t do it
You’re just lazy
You don’t care
You’re just stupid
All the judgments
Like poison arrow darts
When you’re already wounded on the ground
What kind of karma
Brings this back to me now?
What love have I withheld
To deserve this hell?

It always gets the worst
Before it gets better

Pain motivates change

Sometimes it means letting go
Of something that isn’t working

Hard when you’ve made
An arbitrary commitment
That come hell or high water
You’ll get through it
You’ll just try harder

Hard to admit
It’s not going to work
Especially when others are depending on you

Hard to be honest
About what you can physically handle
Hard to ask others
To make concessions for you

But harder to live with nagging doubts and worries
Harder to bring the whole ship down with you
Harder to stay the same, than to have failed and changed and learned

Even after everything that has recently been revealed to me
I struggle to grasp that we’re the headlining act
And even this admission
Puts me into a circular spiral
I’ve always wanted to share my own spotlight
Not content with being the varsity athlete
The valedictorian
The golden daughter
I got tired of the Christina show

So am I just now projecting
That surely humans can’t be the pinnacle of creation
Just because we think we are
Or just because it’s my struggle?
Though all the prophets told us we are

What if it really wasn’t just about us
And the heights we achieve
Physically
Psychologically
Spiritually

I have a hard time believing that we are more spiritual than a tree
Though I do think we’ve been given a more difficult spiritual challenge
But maybe not?
Even a tree will crush something with its roots just to survive
It will fall and kill anything it crashes on

We have evolved to pull more energy toward ourselves than is sustainable
So does that make us evil?
Should we come back to balance with mother earth?
De-volve?
Or should we ride this evolution to full hilt
Finding more and more energy to consume
Transforming more and more molecules
Traveling farther
Mastering siddhis
Disappearing at will and popping up in another corner of the universe

Is this just an infinite game?

It’s so nice when someone recognizes you
No, I mean recognizes you.
No, I mean re-cog-nizes you.

Turns out it’s all about devotion
Pouring your heart’s love into the open cups around you

God is the one holding the cup
The one doing the pouring
And the liquid itself

And my yearning for a strapping young man to press against my body right now
Is a fraction of what it feels like to be separated from the Divine I was birthed from
Oh,
To be completed again

Like Humpty Dumpty
We’re just picking up the pieces
Knowing
It’s going to take more than
All the king’s horses
And all the king’s men

My room is all cleaned
I’m ready now
Nature abhors a vacuum
And I just asked for the Universe
Don’t tell anyone
But I’ll be walking on water soon
Commanding the clouds
And vanishing at will
They’ll all find out anyway
The changes, they’re starting
The weather’s not normal
Regimes are unstable
Women are rising
Institutions are trembling
Power is being taken back
Wealth soon to follow
Whose side are you on?
Life or death?
You or us?
We’ll start over
And this time remember
That as we grow
Our egos should die
Or they will kill us all
With their fear of death
But we already know
How this story ends…

We experience what we think about
Our stuff reflects us
Your phone, your computer, your car
All built
To be navigated with the human mind
We get a picture of who we are
From the objects and systems
We build
What do our politics say about our minds?
What do our electronics say about our minds?
What do our families, our stores, our cities, say about our minds?

All we are is light
Getting excited
About taking us to another level

Billions of
Rainbows
Layered over rainbows

All we are
On a cellular level
Is light moving very quickly

And if you can bring yourself
To the frequency of a dog
Of a cat
Or a baby
Your own heart
A blade of grass

You’ll notice that
Underneath those symphonies of frequencies
Exists a layer of being
That feels a lot like light.

And how does light feel?

It feels like air
Like water
Like sound
Like love.

And if we can relate to each other on the level of light,
You’ll find just a lot of bouncing around
A lot of give and take,
A lot of doing whatever comes naturally,
Boldly, freely, without pause,
Reflection, or company.
A lot of being and doing.
A lot of trust,
Hearts wide open
Communing with all that is.

A song you’re always in the mood for,
A dance to a rhythm you were born with,
A colorful, powerful orgasm across the universe.

I know I shouldn’t complain
But sometimes life feels so loooong
Especially when I’m tired
Then I wonder
How many more days, months, years
Do I have to put up with me?
I’m a bit bored of me already
She’s such a goody-goody
Optimist
Eternally ambitious
Striving
She’s wearing me out