Conflict

How many centuries
Have we been trying to love each other?
We talk and then tangle
Surrender and pull out
Divorce and move on
Human wreckage in the wake
Men PTSD
Women rebuild their country
Children wander the streets

How many centuries
Have we been trying to kill each other?
How can you enjoy anything
Without peace?
We must be that change we want in the world
We must be radiant
Giving
Nurturing
Calm
Confident
Trusting

When did you learn to doubt yourself?
What did you see in your mirrors?

Ingredients for Mutation

Anger and trust
And lust and power
Envy and want
Fear and need
Hiding by doing
Lost in my freedom
Anxious, directionless
Pockets of bliss
Flashes of clarity
Appear in the smog
Wrestling the demons
Formless and strong
Appetite endless
Energy scattered
Homeless
Not building
No plan to stay put

New Structures

Noticing
How good
Stories of abundance
Glory
Attraction
Feel to me
Noticing
How real
Anything I desire becomes
Observing
How far I feel from
Awesome
Minute by minute
Except when I remember to
Breaking patterns
Noticing the lattice
The web around me
And making it disappear
By changing my mind
Walking in a new direction
MIX IT UP!!!

Our Love

Sitting with this moment
Grateful for the face of love you’ve shown me
Surrender, fully present
Two hearts pressing against each other
Dancing to a silent song
We’re the kind of sensitive,
Passionate lovers of life
Whose gifts are first expressed in the bedroom
If only we could make love
To our work, to our families
To our cities, our neighbors
To our countries
The whole earth would glow

Deathtrap

Remembering
That boys want a life full of art too
Don’t be so predictable
Leave a little to the imagination
Stoke the fires of competition
Make them rise to the occasion
Who wants a day just like the last?
Make it better
Sweeter
Funnier
Sexier
More playful, delightful, alluring
Resist the routine that hides your passion

Expanding Again

Tangled in a web of suggestions
Intoxicated
Hormones surging
If it were only enough to be occupied
Working a JOB
I can’t think of anything worse
Than to leave my womb empty
Another selfish year
Preparedness be damned
Suze Orman would have had me enslaved a year and a half beyond my breaking point
Fuck lust and finances
Temptation and envy and bounty
Who knows where I’d be without blessed spontanaeity?
I’ve become a fan of conscious choosing
So where does this leave me tonight?
In a world where I could live 200 years
And freeze all my eggs,
What’s the rush?
But my body is my experience
So many live just in their heads
They wouldn’t understand
My exploring of the house
But is this just another case of
Wanting something
Before it’s paid for?
Am I the Virgin Madoff
If so, who will pay for my sins?
Am I creating without due process?
Am I animal or am I calculating?
Will the cards decide my path this time?
Is anyone on my side?

We’re So Far Past Pro-Life

Even pro-lifers use birth control
Every time an egg and a sperm get away
Without meeting in a warm, cozy uterus
Or a warm, cozy petri dish
An angel loses its wings

Why not collect and freeze every cute little wiggling tail?
None down the hatch, now!
One day we may need to populate another planet
Give their Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel
People to go visit

Enough talk about what to do with my stomach’s contents
If you need them so badly, execute me and harvest away!
Or better yet, build an American town, every day, forever
For the 3,700 tiny people you could retrieve and rescue

Not your best plan.
So try setting down your hammer,
And your condemning signs,
And sing a song reminding yourself,
That your own life is worth living.

Love and Loathing in San Francisco

The most frustrating thing is not having the answers
Wandering mapless
Great for an education
But when all is quiet the clock hands tick thunder
When will we be loved?
I loved you and you sent me away spinning
Citing pain
Tell me more about your hurt
The accident
Your wheelchair
The bleeding that stains all your relationships
The journey we must both be on
No one loves for no reason
I fell deep into a love hole and my first love left me there
To prove I could pay my way out
And now you can’t provide it and I can’t manage it
And the feelings of self-loathing
Match the weight of the chains of limitation we were born into
And must now throw off if we are to be truly free

Going Somewhere

It all came together, finally, tonight. Another crisis hit me this weekend, the “What the f— am I doing with my life?” feeling I get every so often, which seems to coincide suspiciously with occurrences of my bank accounts bottoming out.

What occurred to me was that I wasn’t really advancing any causes that are important to me. Since the day I sold my soul to the devil, sometime in June 1999, I hadn’t given a second thought to what might be important to me in life. Even when I quit my engineering job, I made it no further than “What slightly interests me?”

Shazaam! I had been asking myself the wrong question the past five years!

What I *should* have asked myself was: “What is wrong with my world now and how will I affect change/influence it so it matches my vision?”

That question begs a list. And a list gives direction. I would then have to ask myself: What education will I need? What resources and connections will I need to bring such changes about? What skills should I acquire? Who else shares my vision(s)?

This is going to be fun. My guess is this list is going to be somewhat fluid and things could flip-flop, but here’s where I stand as of today.

First Stab at List:
Healthcare
-Educate people about preventative health
-Reduce reliance on pharmaceuticals
-Make sure every working person and student is properly insured for health emergencies and automatically covered for preventative care
-End farm subsidies which promote junk food products and unhealthy fillers/sweetners
-Distinguish between “food” and food products in FDA guidelines/policy

Politics
-Make sure shitheads don’t get elected to represent me
-Reduce power of corporations to influence government
-Increase minimum wage to a living wage
-Promote single-earner family/community structures with social policy, increase (good) parent-to-child ratio
-Promote community-building and children-friendly spaces
-Increase quality of cooperation and understanding among other cultures

Education
-Practice democracy in school systems in function and design
-Focus on personal development, communication, relationship management as critical development skills for youth
-Assess “grades” such that students better understand what skills they have and what they lack
-Make education affordable/accessible for everyone
-Increase extracurricular involvement opportunities for youth

Environment
-eliminate use of pesticides and herbicides
-eliminate use of hormones in animals and humans for food production and birth control
-eliminate large-scale ecosytem disruptions caused by mega-farms (acres of similar farmland, orchards, trucking 75% of country’s bees into one state for 2 weeks); make communities more self-sufficient/local-emphasis, diversify locally
-Advance clean energy
-Minimize wasteful chemical emissions to air/water (power, transportation)

Poverty
-Make dignified housing accessible for anyone of any income

Prisons
-Rehabilitate criminals instead of caging them
-Legalize and monitor drugs

Fun Stuff
-Permanent, easy hair removal
-healthy cigarettes
-eliminate overhead power/phone lines
-design a community and/or pleasing home environment
-design own clothing/jewelry
-eliminate boring, standard, ticky-tacky houses, cars, buildings

Well, that’s a start. Off to bed now and maybe I’ll revise, prioritize and beef up the list so I can get some more direction in my life’s actions.

Changes (poem):
Stomach turning
Turning to face reality once again
How a paycheck can make you feel so far from your dreams
So here I am again
Spinning in the mud
Unimpressed with myself
At the end of the day, what was there to show for your efforts?
I’m so used to rewards
Am I just addicted?