I turned the corner
And the sky opened up
The world was so large
The views so stunning
My heart so free
It fluttered its wings

Sometimes we see the signs more clearly
But we always have the future
Sometimes God’s voice is firm
Other times we are lost and call to him
We hear what we want to hear
We can go from No Love to Love Train
In one decision
There’s no Secret
What you want is given to you
Wishing is for shallow wells
Desire moves through you
Like the seasons
Is it intelligent?
It’s intelligent as an ant colony
Or the flight of birds down south
It is balance
A balance our fragmenting minds cannot compute
And therefore cannot rationalize
And we call it God’s Will

I’m in the middle of a fun experiment
No really, a happy experiment
I want to know if a disciplined person
Can simply chase her pleasures
And attract the life of her dreams
Her dormant, closeted dreams
Which lack a bridge from the now
The test is whether joy lights the paths
That the heart desires
Since the mind gets stuck in the mud

Sinking into the mystery
Watching it all like a traveler

I’ve given up
On feeling bad
Life is too short
For pain the mind creates

My ego swells when problems arise
I turn inward
Close my eyes
Let go of your hand
All I see are my faults
Shortcomings
Dispair
I imagine deep holes to fall into

But I’ve learned
I’m horribly
Allergic to fear
It makes me break out
It makes me ugly
Fat
Frozen
And sick
And delusional

Life must always be joyful
The sun never cries
What’s done is done
And what will be
Will be amazing
Cuz it always is
We’ll get through it together
Because we’re all in this ocean
We don’t have time to stall
Swim the currents without fear

Tonight I almost touched the sun

We’ve been coming together
In nightly ceremonies

Hoping one day our hearts
Will open so wide
They swallow each other
For a taste of the One
We’d die to be born into

That feeling of stillness, that buzzing, that calm
Where all is light
And movement is dance

But tonight
We walked close up
Beheld the glory
Then teetered away like toddlers

My stomach is full
My heart wide open
Today I received
All that I gave
I’m slowly recharging
I’m almost there
I’ll feel like this
All the time
When life is just giving
And blessings abound
All our cups filled
And overflowing
When work is easy
And difficulties die
To opportunities
In every dilemma
How long can I hold this?
And do God’s work?
God never hates his job
It’s all perfect Love

I took a little hit tonight
Your love still has me hooked
My animal brain says run to you
Even though you leave me cold
Just a hint of a fire
And like a moth
I’m drawn right in
You get me high
And I crave what you’ve got
So familiar, so foreign, so me

If you’re not happy
It’s surely not the end
The bold die many deaths
To their follies
Pulling strings on this planet
Is a blindfolded job
One sense off
And it all collapses
In my haste to feel alive
I jumped ship
No lifeboat
And I tested the waters
No teacher
Now I’m tired of swimming
But without shore in sight
I look around for a lighthouse
To guide me
Why do I still feel pain?
Why do I accept my judgments?
Who am I to bring myself down?
There are no mistakes
Just chances to know
Who you really are
Deeply inside

In the end
I’d rather have my peace of mind
Than striving, flailing, grasping
It’s just not worth the closing down
The moments wasted in agony

If it’s all good
And it’s all God
And everything I’ve been teaching
Pain motivates
In other words, moves you
In directions you have been avoiding

I’ve never been tested like this before

My boldness yielded lessons
That taste like death
But fear always does
So I try to remember
I’m only dying
To a non-awesome life

I chose this path
I took these risks
And it’s time to rethink what I want

I’m in my own personal hell
I wish I could accept myself
And my decisions
But the consequences are too great
I’ve risked everything
And it all could fall apart
Did I do enough?
I should have done more
I’m maxed out
Stressed out
Never want to be here again
To have any chance of success
I have to see this through
My limitations feel like a corset
I guess I’ve played my cards
The hand has been dealt
I’m in purgatory
And it’s out of my control