In a city full of people
I’ve never felt so alone
There’s a tension I’ve been holding
For 3 long years
A strange sort of
Arm twisted
Growth stunting
Burden
That has kept me poor
Miserable
Under the radar
Of the happy, well-adjusted people
I wished I was having drinks with
Survival mode ends tonight
As I lay the final handmade brick in the foundation
Of a world I dared to create
From nothing less than a longing to do
Something meaningful
And my hands are shaking
My thoughts tormenting
Wondering if any of it is good enough
Then confused by all my doubts
I built a house when I was 23
But that was a sure bet
And easy enough
This is me
Or it all came through me
All of it was my doing
My dreaming
My vehicle
Into a city I’ve always feared
My little craft
On autopilot
My personal project, half-conceived
This will not make or break me
But I will be judged tomorrow

I’m rushing into forever
I’m used to getting what I want
When things don’t work I fix them
If there’s a door I open it

I’m ready for infinity
66 years and we’re here
As orchestrated and delicate
As the kiss of life on Earth

None of us should be here
The odds against us are too great
So all of you have meaning
There’s no small part to play

There are those of us fate smiles upon
We always seem to get what we want
But it takes two to dream this dream
Dance this dance
Love and be loved
It has always taken two

It smells so fresh after last night’s rain
And the air is strangely calm
Like the air around us
When I’m in your arms
My heart’s a soft pillow for your soul

Small vortecies
Spinning all around the city
Sucking in
Nothing to give
At least one resists
Plays his violin for us
Trembling in fear
But still putting out

Today again I felt small
Cornered, ignored
Forgetting painfully
That the universe is dying
To love me
And I will be loved
Totally
Unabashedly
Freely
Just as soon as I agree to do the same
And if these blinders are closing down my heart
Making me sick
I need to tear them off
So I can see all Love’s possibilities
The daises are hypnotizing
And they confuse me
With their yes’s and no’s
I need to stay fixed on beauty
‘Cause it’s all beauty
It’s all truth
And I don’t want to feel small today

Now we’re going somewhere
This car’s picking up speed
No one’s moving back with their parents
It’s a crazy circus but the net’s still holding
I bounce upright, wave and smile to the crowd
Cheeks flushed red
Now I’m moving
Now they can see me
It’s only a matter of time
Before I’m top 20 under 40
Because I’m only secretary one day a week
And we’ve all got sugar to sell to those that have lemons
And once we leave our jobs, and follow our visions, and the whole world is drinking lemonade it will be so sweet
So refreshing
We’ll truly be fruitful then

Enjoying the feeling
Of just sitting on my board
In a calm, clear ocean
Surrounded by fog

Hoping for a wave
But absorbing the peace and beauty
Of the power all around me
The currents gently rocking me
A chance to breathe and be

Wish I had a bucket of zeal
I’d fling it across the universe
In dazzling colors and sparkles
It would fizzle and streak
And cause such delight

But alas
I am passionless
Aimless
And empty
Sad and pondering
Feeling untugged

Is this a place of perfection?
Of forces balanced?
Or is this a place of stagnation?
A place to escape?

Or is my heart just resting
From last week’s attacks?
Does the zebra, once pounced
Ever feel safe standing still?

No longer wanting to play dead
Or crawl in a hole
I’m peeking around
And no one’s paying attention

Climbed to the top
And it’s lonely up here
Wanna make more connections
Give people what they need

Wanna find what consumes me
Wanna sing until I die
Wanna be happy forever
Wanna fly in the skies

The pace is maddening
The silence deafening
My heart is opening
You are stretching it

What do I want?
What is the Universe suggesting to me?
I feel weightless
Unpulled
Not desiring
I need a clue
I’ve recycled my gifts fully already?
Is it time for a new education?
I get busy thinking
Researching
Computing
And the answers do not come
I lay here and be still
And the answers do not come
Am I forgotten?
Lost?
Trapped?
Did I wander off path?
Where is my guide?