Just as the painting is an enriched product of a living relationship between the painter and the object, so enriched becomes the product purchased through the interaction between buyer and shopkeeper in Pakistan. When I first visited the country years ago, I was irritated by the custom of bargaining for the price of ordinary objects in the markets. I wanted/craved the more familiar, quicker, sterile process of paying a set purchase price. But this time around, I noticed just how much buyer and seller got to learn about each other through these interactions. I observed that the depth of the exchange is often deeper than many people will attempt to communicate in familiar business or personal relationships in my country. Both parties walk away from the 10-15 minute bargaining with a deeper understanding of their buyers/sellers, of the quality of their products, the state of the local economy, and of the buyer/seller wants and needs. It is not as unsophisticated as I first imagined, in fact, quite the opposite. It’s real. It’s not the point and click photo-taking, it’s a dance between two souls, and it is a wonder to behold.
Lincoln, Anna Karenina, Argo
What a perfect trio of movies
A lot of crying going on
A lot of letting go
Like giving someone food
When they’ve been a starving beggar for years
Wealth is a greedy beggar
Until your heart is right
Love is a greedy beggar
Until you learn to love
Grant that I not so much seek to be consumed
As to consume
So then am I giving my body
Or a promise?
And don’t confuse the two,
As if your nakedness were sacred.
That’s not my world.
No longer defined by the structure
I navigate freely through structure
Yeah
I’m a free spirit
There were clues, you know
The six food Asian redhead
Mother Nature showing up at Cobleigh Hall
The poetry
The boy fresh from England
With the pierced lip
And blue and purple hair
God, I wanted the Other
Anything must be better than home
Out there are riches
Happiness, abundance
Non-judgmental people
People who could interrupt impulse
And laugh at dinner parties
If his love left, then it’s gone
No use pining for it
You can’t raise the dead
It was a week’s affair
That became three years
Because I needed it to
I needed to know I could be loved
And not settle for
The first man who wouldn’t leave me
Why this grabbing hearts?
Fist-fulls of love
As if the supply was limited
It’s the way we have motivated
We made it love-less
When it’s about the metrics
You lose the humanity
Find all your “shoulds”
Throw them in a big pile
And BURN THEM
“Shoulds” give you fear of death
Playing with our basest nature
Of course the dark sides will come out to play
Forget your marriage
Forget your conventions – We have to write our own rules
Love and Money
Are the same
And we are confused about both
Money is the currency of Love
Love is Appreciation
The perfect reciprocation
That meets everyone’s needs
We are so one-sided
We can’t afford families
While the rich save – for what?
Why not show others some
Appreciation
Everyone’s too scared to be appreciated
What if I helped you?
Really helped you?
What is that worth?
I want to be the most helpful person on the planet
Everyone I contact
Will be helped by me
I can do it right now with my love
With my good intentions
A non-judgmental smile that reads,
“I love you, and I don’t even know you.”
I can love you with my peaceful energy
With my calmness and beauty
I can never say no
Unless it keeps me from helping
Directly or indirectly
Sometimes helpful means quiet
Sometimes it means speaking up
Just have a heart for service
And you will be appreciated
No one dearly loved
Ever died of hunger
Last Night
One more night in my bed
California dreamin
With my kitten on my heart
And my heart full of love
I’ve already come so far
Lived so many possibilities
Rested and rallied
It’s a new year
Full of new days
And you’re pulling me into tomorrow
New Art!
Thought I would post my “Graphic Art” projects, if I may be so bold as to call it that! These are things I made to communicate something. More Art here.
This one has been up on my wall for over a year to remind me to chill out amidst chaos and remember what kind of life I really want!
This one I had to make to communicate my dislike for toe socks/shoes. I’m sorry, but certain parts of the body just look better naked or totally clothed-over.
The value of persistence! (I believe it demonstrates total commitment, which is the strongest force in the universe!)
A visual I got one time when I was meditating:
What I painted on my lower stomach this year for an Easter Party, just to be festive ;-)
A provocative statement. Just got done dating someone who wanted to force a commitment on me. Ug. Hate that. Insecurity is not sexy.
Roadtrips
Note to self: Pack an overnight bag/kit when undertaking extremely long day trips, just-in-case.
I Loved You
I loved you when you ran away from home
I loved you when you got married
I loved you when I met you
I loved you when you were too fat and you smelled like cigarettes
I loved you when you called me princess and made sweet love to me
I loved you when you lit sparkler fireworks off in my bedroom
Dancing and singing naked
I loved you when you called me a bitch and stormed out
I loved you when his cock was in my mouth
I loved you when you spit on me in the subway station and called me a whore
I loved you after you stopped listening
I loved you after you refused to acknowledge or accept my love
Pen to Paper
At the end of the day
A few scribbles
A bunch of big, noble plans
A chicken or the egg
Game of who trusts who first
Can I put what is in my head
On the paper?
When making any bets
One must stand strongly behind their art
So that troubleshooting can happen down the road
When the heart sends such strong signals
The brain feels pain in the work it takes
To translate vision into material
But I keep writing
Knowing that even a poorly captured interpretation of the heart
Gurantees half the success of the creation
I must have the patience now
To measure twice
And cut once
I won’t get these years back
Done
Leaving a phase
It hurts here
I can’t stay here
I guess I’m hiding here
I guess it’s comfortable here
Or I wouldn’t resist leaving
Attached to the rat race
And the big risks
And the loneliness
And the chasm-like difference between what I want
And what I have
It’s go-time now
I set my own timer
And it’s going off
I’m done.
An Almost Cry for Help
So I’ve received word back from the car insurance company that not only are they refusing to pay my medical bills, but that they are denying I was injured in the first place. I can’t fathom why victims of car accidents are made to further suffer through this system we have created. It is asinine. I would be better off having my own savings account so that I get to decide whether I am healed or not, and how long to pursue treatment.
So I am left in a rather vulnerable position of having to take an insurance company to court, having already wasted 2 months of my time and money that I don’t have healing myself from an accident that was in no way my fault.
This on top of the fact that I am at a loss for how to get my next project off the ground and survive in the meantime. The room is filling up with water and I see no exit.
Sometimes pressure helps us focus and make breakthroughs. I hope I can McGyver my way out of this one. I also hope my community will step up to support me. I have such a heart for helping people heal and get healthy, and no means to support myself while doing that yet. I’ve never been good at reaching out because my young life was about proving my self-sufficiency. So I’m at a loss for what to do now. I need help to help others, and I’ve never felt so close to that help yet so utterly destitute.
Heart Puddles
Heart Puddles
Inspiration
A day for riding on unicorns
Breathing
Smiling
A feeling of
Yes We Can
Noticing
My tendencies
Strong Impulses
Making waves
Let them ripple
Ideas come
At inconvenient times
Wait for the right wave
To make my move
Turn around and paddle
Breathe
Smile
Then Dance