Brainz and Being Neurotic

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The last couple of days I’ve felt somewhat neurotic. It helps to remember that that is part of the human experience. We are neurotic–literally–creatures with a central nervous system, including brain matter and retina. What we see or remember triggers the brain to send the body signals to take action in favor of self-protection.

It’s easy to start hating your brain after a while. It’s always telling you how awful things are and causing you to feel pain, or making you want to run back to things that made you feel good, or safe. That’s why so many traditions have emphasized the practice of being heart-centered. People always say things like “Trust your instincts!”, but instincts can be brain-centered or heart-centered. I’m still not super clear on how to tell if you are moving through the heart, but it does help to physically connect with the heart to get its beat, so to speak. I imagine that focusing the mind on the heart allows the chemicals or signals from our thoughts time to mix so that we can act in a more integrated way.

I think those of us with more neurotic tendencies probably have nervous systems on higher alert and we benefit most from practices that literally drain the body of excess nervous energy (vigorous exercise), or slow down the heart and quiet the mind (yoga, breathwork).

But we are here to have a human experience, nerves and all, so the next time you are driving yourself crazy, stop and remember just how wonderful it is that you can do that at all ;-)

Ideas and Orgasms

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Here’s my list of ideas I don’t have time to pursue, in case you want one. No guarantees they don’t already exist though:

“Digital Estate”: a company that collects all your family’s digital photos and uses face recognition software to tag and label them into categories, and organizes/stores all your digital documents that will be family keepsakes.

“Health Ensurance”: a company that takes your monthly monies and gives you access to fitness memberships, all preventative care, healthy food stamps, vitamins, alternative health options, sleep trackers for lower rates, etc…

One-way Zip scooters (like ZipCars)

“Urban Farming Pots”: a company that will hook you up with your own organic veggie garden in pots/tubs, maybe will come by to maintain it for a small fee if needed and help you manage surplus/lack amongst your neighbors

“Political Living Room” a website where friends can gather to discuss current events/politics and rally behind common causes

———
TMI Warning:
And now for the orgasm portion. I announced several months back that I was setting a goal of orgasm within 5 minutes of sex. It was an ambitious goal at the time, but I believe it has been achieved (can’t say I was looking at a clock to be honest) within reason. Achieved sober but the breakthrough was crucially informed by an altered state of mind. It was truly an international effort and I’d like to acknowledge Northern California, England, and Italy natives for their respective contributions along the way. ;-) And Google, like this article. It’s true, kids, being in your 30s is awesome.

Goodbye San Francisco: Shyness and Bravery

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“Goodbye San Francisco…as always, I wish I hadn’t been so shy…unrealized adventures…I’ll be braver next time!”

A great big guy sat next to me on the BART tonight. He smelled terrific, like clean and just a light, slightly sweet scent. I felt like telling him, “Wow! You smell terrific!”. Then this little voice told me all the reasons I shouldn’t say anything to him. I obliged at first, then got brave. “Thank you!” He said proudly, “It’s an oil, Happy by Clinique.” He was like a big teddy bear.

During my brief silent pause, I thought of the woman(?) who wrote the above words on a bathroom wall I photographed last week (Philz Coffee, Mission). Reflecting on my six years in the city, I’ve become quite brave (reference Folsom Street Fair and this year’s Pride Parade), but I can always be braver. We can all be braver in pursuit of a life lived without regrets of what we could have experienced if we hadn’t been so shy.

I lost a bit of my natural ability to connect with people living in the city and riding bus in the Mission all the time. After a couple times trying to chat with people who didn’t speak English or just ignored me, I probably went into my shell a bit more than felt natural. I’m getting back to my old self slowly but surely, and it feels great :)

Even met a Bozeman family transplant today at church and a Canadian on the BART.

Excelsior! (Ever upward)

The Power of the Focused Mind?

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Having achieved a house to live in that met every criteria I asked for (near BART, in price range, 2nd story, 2 or more housemates, accepting of cat, hot tub, ability to decorate living room), I thought I would further test my manifestation abilities the other day:

I received in the mail a few weeks ago a car key, and a flyer from my credit union about a used car sale happening. The flyer announced that a winning key had been mailed out and that one only needed to show up at the used car sale and test the key in their lock box to see if it was a winner. So a week ago, the second/final day of the sale, I had stashed the key and flyer in my purse and headed off to church. I had allotted just enough time to get to church assuming a bus would come within 10 minutes. When I got to the stop, the scrolling screen announced more than a 30-minute wait. I glanced across the street and noticed a bus was coming for the opposite direction. That bus would take me toward the used car sale. I decided to run across the street and take that bus instead.

I stopped off at a coffee shop along the way, pondering my odds of winning the car, which was a 2012 Mercedes. I also considered my need for a car. I was soon to be moving to Berkeley, and between coaching and my businesses a car might really come in handy. I wondered to myself whether I could affect my luck by simply believing that I would win. A few months back, I had attended a summit where a coach’s name was drawn from a basket of names (of which mine was also included). When she won, she declared she just *knew* she was going to win. She had wanted it oh-so badly. I remember having felt somewhat indifferent about whether I would win. So I wondered if the desire to win could really impact the odds of one winning, and thought I might test this hypothesis.

It is said that to get what you desire, you must bring yourself to the frequency of whatever it is you desire. In this case, I imagined myself sitting in my new Mercedes, feeling not surprised that I won it, feeling like its owner. I tried to imagine myself winning it and feeling what that would feel like, but as if I had *known* I would win it all along. This was a difficult visualization! I wasn’t sure exactly what this energy should feel like, but I tried meditating on it as I finished my breakfast.

One thought that interrupted me was “What if someone already has won the car yesterday?” I knew this was within the realm of possibilities, yet I tried not to dwell on it so as to not have it affect the outcome! I also thought, “How could you change destiny now?” The keys had been chosen several weeks prior, so was there even a way to affect the outcome at this point by the power of my mind? Although the likely answer was “no”, I continued my “New Mercedes” energy and traveled on toward the used car sale.

When I arrived at the sale, the faces of the men sitting at the “Try your key here” table said it all. The car had been won the day before. I shrugged it off, tried the key in the box anyway for good measure, and went inside the lot to browse the vehicles. Immediately one car stood out to me: a used 2009 Smart car with a white exterior, sunroof, and a flashy red interior. I remarked what a funny-looking car it was, and the salesman asked me if I wanted to drive it. I did. I had been thinking about driving a Smart car ever since I started seeing them during my valet jobs. Everyone kept telling me how poorly they drive, how stupid they look, and how unsafe they must be, but I could only see the benefits: likely safer than a moped or motorcycle and could cart groceries and/or two people.

And with the convertible top open and the fun gear shift hand pedals, I just fell in love driving it! Before I knew it I was inside making the deal happen and had papers in hand. I decided to have my law firm review the papers, which annoyed the sales guys, who wanted to finalize the sale same-day. At that point I was in a hurry to leave to my next appointment. The sales guy asked me if I wanted to put down a deposit, but I decided to play my bets that it wouldn’t sell and told him no, that I’d just get back to him the next day.

Around 4pm the next day I had finalized insurance quotes and had an attorney review the contract with me, but by the time I called in, the salesperson let me know with as much empathy as he could muster that they had sold my car the night before. “Well, I took that risk,” I told him, and he mentioned I could look online for similar cars at their Fremont dealership. I decided then to pay the local SF Smart car dealership a visit, to see what they had in stock. After speaking with the sales lady there, she mentioned the terrific lease deal they had going for new Smart cars. I told her about the model I had tried out and she candidly mentioned that they had improved a lot since then (transmissions especially) and stopped just short of saying that she wouldn’t recommend the used version anyway.

So in the end, I may end up with a brand new 2012 Mercedes after all, and for less money than the used version would have cost me. Was it the power of my mind? Did I just manifest a car? Did I want it so strongly that it made itself happen, albeit in the most unexpected way? I’ll give this experiment a solid *maybe*. :)

Berkeley Musings

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I think I may have moved to the one place in the US more magical than San Francisco: Berkeley

I’m so thrilled by my life right now: the beautiful parks perfect for picnicking and cartwheels, less than a block away. The sidewalk tiles containing poetry and inspirational quotes. Food from every delicious corner of the world within walking distance. The spaciousness of my new house, its huge closet with organizers, my extra-long jacuzzi bathtub. The windows can be left open every night for fresh air. Like it was made for me :-)

I began thinking about this as I noted how many homeless people I see on the way to the BART stations. It made me think for a minute: why does San Francisco and Berkeley “allow” so many homeless and mentally unstable people to live openly on its streets? Part of me questions whether there is really no momentum for change: in a true “La-La Land”, perhaps people are so well-off they become indifferent to the struggles of those much less fortunate, as if they are so far removed from that suffering, that it no longer pulls on the heartstrings as a worthy politcial/social cause.

Or, rather, perhaps it is just the open and tolerant nature of the residents, to “Live and Let Live,” giving the homeless the “freedom” to live as they wish to live, assuming the chronically homeless have chosen and prefer their way of life. When you adopt an attitude of personal responsibility, it can become difficult to perceive anyone as a victim of their circumstances. We are either masters or slaves to our destiny, and perhaps we are living amongst many masters.

Quote(s) of the Day

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Me: My credit score is not great. I’ve had a bankruptcy. Maybe I’ll go home and spruce it up a bit first and come back.

New car saleswoman: Oh honey, I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. It would take an awful lot to impress me the way the economy has been the past few years. I’ve seen it all.

—–
Me: if my cat were an Olympian, what sport would she play?

Aud: Volleyball. She’s good at swatting. And don’t you have to be kind of sneaky to play volleyball?

Today

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So many
Dreaming
We meet
Expecting to be delighted
The magic of the experience
Is to live the experience
With eyes wide open
Life dreamed us
So that we could see this

On the Threshold

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We crave life as it is
The one we recognize
So familiar
We are afraid to break the matrix
What if the sexiest man in the city
Kept wanting you?
What if your bus became a convertible?
What if everyone around you
Turned wildly successful?
What if your most private dreams
Came true
Right in front of you?
Would you walk through that door?
Or throw rocks at it,
Tell it to go away,
And stop teasing you?

Alternatives to Dressing up like a Villain and Shooting People

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Not sure what to do with your life?

1) Make a list of everything you want to change about the world. Go ahead. Be brave.

2) Find the schools/resources/institutions/people that can help you knock a couple things off that list.

Don’t get so pigeonholed into one thing that you think your only other option is dressing up like a villain and shooting people. Be adaptable.

Society sometimes tells us we have to go college and get a good job. That message is a little too simple for young people these days. We need to explore what it is we want to change about the world and work TOGETHER to make good stuff happen.

Here’s my first list. What’s on yours?:
http://www.eachlittlemystery.com/going-somewhere/

My Theory on Perfect Men: Scoring with a “10”!

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It took me 32 years to figure this out, so listen up young ones ;-)

Having had the amazing opportunity to be intimate with two men over the past year that I would rate a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, I learned a couple things from the experiences.

First of all, you don’t have to be perfect to score a perfect ten! Why not? Because they have already met a perfect ten! These are people with high sexual attraction energy. People gravitate to them. They have already met women/men with the perfect bodies, their equals, and it’s even possible that they are probably already bored of him/her! Think about it: once you have found someone who perfectly complements you physically, where would you go from there? Variety!

The person you think is so perfect doesn’t care that you’re not that perfect specimen. You might just have that one feature that rates highly for them and that is enough. It takes the pressure off you. You can just be yourself (a good policy in general!).

A perfect ten often has personality flaws related to the fact that everyone wants to be with them all the time. They sometimes use defense mechanisms to protect themselves from unwanted attention, so they may appear somewhat insecure, combative, or controlling, or the opposite, they may just be very promiscuous to deal with their abundant sexual energy. What would you do if everyone desired you all the time? :)

I’ve found that the women who are with perfect tens are usually a little insecure and therefore a bit (or a lot) controlling of their mate. They may try themselves to maintain their perfect physical status and this can be a full-time job! Imagine how difficult it would be to be with someone who everyone else also desires. They may try to put strict or looser rules around their mate’s behavior as a coping mechanism for jealousy instincts. I imagine there are perfect ten couples out there who have found a way to exist in total trust and freedom, but I haven’t come across it yet.

Let me know if you have experience with this, thanks!