Numbed by the weight of my inaction
I feel so uncourageous
There’s an expression in me
Which begs to be revealed
In 24/7 full glory
Life is too short
To keep the lid on
Dare to be different
Gain a friend in yourself
Burned Out
Hanging from the edge of a cliff I’ve created
A foothold I’ll find but it’s nowhere in sight
Tired of being pushed by the forces that move me
Probably just tired
And drained by the sun
Common Denominator
Maybe the ending badly is a symptom of starting badly
Life is short and I’m so quick to love
Someday a big heart’s going to value a heart
That opens so wide in front of them
Some loves are like taxis
They take you there
Then drop you off once you’ve paid the fare
And you wonder what the driver’s going to do
In the lifetime they’ll spend apart from you
And in swimming through a sea of bodies
Rare are shells that turn your head
On a midsummer night
Under the moon
When all you want is a heart to walk with yours
They’ve scattered like mice
And new moths to the light
Are drawn by the fire
I’ve stoked from within
God bless the women
Who purge the world’s pain
Through their bodies and tears
Holding men’s hearts until the beating stops
Only Time
I have a sneaking suspicion I’ve had it wrong all along
That’s why swimming in chaos and wine feels so sweet
The delicious feeling of living at last
Where the plan and the moment merge into one
The present and the past diverging so fast
My lovers don’t know whether to bite or bring toys
Pouring over every card in the deck
The Aces show up when they will
Creating more memories of the real me
Takes time
And now time’s all I have
Love at Heart
Love’s a great excuse to get high
I’ll never forget the way your eyes
Morphed black to brown
And you broke down
When I said I knew your heart
All American
And he said…
“I’ve traveled through 47 states
We stopped in Nebraska
I was there for 5 days
And my friend
She had to have an abortion
And people there are against it
And we called the doctor
Planned Parenthood
And he gave her an appointment for
Three in the morning
Like we were in the middle east
And I wonder,
Can you tell me?
Which is the real America?
Is that the real America?”
I told him
It’s all America
The Earth Calls Up through the Sidewalks!!
There’s something so powerful about the Burning Man experience that it continues to affect my life almost daily. And it happens in the little things we take for granted sometimes, like what to wear when we go out, or how to interact with your neighbors or people you see on the streets. There’s something about setting up a temporary city that gives you a sense of the earth underneath you and an appreciation of the space you are occupying.
I’m feeling all this just standing on the corner waiting for the bus in San Francisco. And part of it was seeing a girl across the street with flaming cherry-red hair and Doc Martins with British flags on them. About taking care and/or pride in the way you show up for the world. To add something to the world rather than just try to suck off it all day long, or worse, to just “get by.”
I love the idea of getting excited just standing on a street corner, thinking, fuck-yeah, this is OUR city! We are making this! Having a sense of ownership, of amazement in the beauty we are greeted with when we walk out the door every morning, with the kaleidoscope of people we get to interact with.
Of just getting rid of the emptiness, apathy, boredom, ho-hum attitude that eats our souls until we are walking zombies, excited only by BART shootings and world series championships. Routine steals passion. Life without passion is like life in prison, except that YOU are holding the keys. ;-)
Renewed
I’m feeling so blessed to have my cousin visiting this week. It was so gorgeous out today, normally I would have just stayed in, but instead we went across the Golden Gate Bridge, down to Baker Beach (I hadn’t been in 5+ years) and drove down the Great Highway. The views were absolutely stunning, esp. of the vast shimmering ocean water with sailboats from the bridge. Air temperature was perfection, with just a slight humid sea breeze.
Watching her reactions to things helped me appreciate the city all over again. For example, wondering what all the overhead lines were for (electric bus power lines). Stuff I see daily but don’t register as being unique anymore! I imagine this is what raising children must be like. Getting to experience the fun all over again, deepening and enriching your own experience.
On another note, I also have to say that giving up my habit of implied or forced monogamy has made me infinitely happier than I have ever been in my relationships. I’m much less a head case and just enjoying the (slow) process of getting to know my boy friends as time goes on. It really wasn’t serving me to commit to relationships that weren’t first grounded in friendship, trust, time, and experience. And this way I get to taste more flavors before settling, a priceless bonus that I am madly enjoying. Guess 30s really is prime time, haha.
Mixed Up
Nixie, nixie
Colored blocks
Clouds condense and spill their guts
Building up for grand release
Running faster than time works
Learn to dance when music plays
Raining money, laughing loud
Resistance to Socialism
Ideas about socialism are likely not going to come from the country folk. Resistance to socialism is what one is more likely to encounter. Cities are where socialism is needed most. So many people packed closely together spurns the NEED for public transportation, shared resources such as libraries, firehouses, schools, airports, etc.
If you think about how the western US was populated, it took a brave and independent mindset to move into the new land, start a homestead, defend your family, fend against wild animals, find food, fix the wagon, and deal with natives. When you do something huge on your own, it can become a source of pride that is passed down generationally: “We are independent.” Farmers and ranchers are extremely self-sufficient.
So don’t expect rural Americans to whole-heartedly jump on board with social-minded global or local initiatives. We are quickly becoming an interdependent global economy, and we need skills to work together better NOW.
The western migration may also help explain some of America’s “Jump the nest at 18” mindset. Unfortunately, we are finding that the “fend for yourself” attitude is not much conducive to happy marriages (divorce rates) nor social enterprise (the rate of failure in small businesses).
There’s probably a better way. Challenge the attitudes your family’s multi-generations have held to see if they still apply!