I was struck by this poem written on the wall of a gas station restroom along Van Ness Avenue (hwy 101) through San Francisco. Reminds you that we are all human, all very much the same, all dealing with different amounts and kinds of pain.

Today ended up being such a strange day, after two magical whirlwind days. I seemed to go head-to-head with some Scorpios in my life, who have been struggling, feeling fearful, and hiding their emotions. My reaction has been arguing with their negative energy and when it climaxes, pushing them away, far away. I am at such a peaceful, positive place in my life that negative energy is simply unwelcome. I sometimes wish I were a more kind and compassionate person around fearful vibes, but my nature, my instinct, is to instigate, expose and banish/transform rather than to soothe fearful energy.

I also seem to be recycling energy of past relationships. Last fall I dated someone eerily similar to a man I dated in college 10 years ago (my “extended fling”, and within the same non-committed context). This week I found myself with someone who had very similar characteristics to my 9-year relationship partner, only instead of repeating the past exactly I instead chose the opposite route of not accepting a man’s possessive ownership or his way of doing things. At all costs I am striving not to repeat my past mistakes. If “lessons in life are repeated until learned,” at least I am not doing the same things and expecting a different result. Thankfully this new person has recognized that I have in his words “a pure heart,” and that if I push him away it is not in malice. I think only in this way of being really honest with each other can we more quickly realize who we are and who we are not, and what more can you ask of this life? We all just want to grow and form a steady knowledge of ourselves, a sort of firm foundation on which we confidently stand and begin to give of our talents most efficiently to the world.

“I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone.” Alanis Morisette

I had a very eventful and wonder-filled day yesterday :-) From being pulled over for allegedly not stopping completely at a stop sign in a military base to a head-spinning gchat conversation about conversation, to being chatted up by two nice cops about track and field, to bellydancing lessons, to driving a stick shift for the first time in 10 years under pressure, to finding the gate open at ten at night to the local urban garden I always wanted to explore, to finding things that were lost, including my passport and key set. What a successful day!

I included a picture from the urban garden of the rows of garlic, as evidence of my expedition. It was such a cool huge garden, with streams, bridges, and a pond. It even had bee boxes for harvesting honey. I munched on the only ripe thing I could find which was some leaves of lettuce. It’s amazing how alive food tastes right after being picked, compared to how bland store-bought veggies/fruits can get after transit and storage.

To another magical day in the city…

Three weeks of being excruciatingly ill has finally come to an end. I declared myself 97% healed today. It was feeling very tiresome not being up to par. The biggest thing I noticed was my desire to reproduce came back, haha. I felt like being out in the world again.

It turned into quite an introspective time for me, a good diving in excursion I suppose, before I begin another diving out into the world phase this summer. My bankruptcy case officially begins this week I think. I’ve been doing a lot of paperwork and prep for that which has enabled me to get back on top my finances again, after a few years of hiding among them. I opened a new bank account today at a credit union. A very local credit union. They have only 68 employees. They reimburse all ATM fees everywhere, coolest thing ever.

I’m also doing an orientation this week for a new part-time gig: valet car parking. Cross your fingers that I remember how to drive and park a stick shift on Wednesday. Must be all this great Taurus energy helping me organize my finances and plan for success.

We had a great conference championship meet this weekend. I am so proud of my team and how far they have all come this year. They faced a shit-ton of personal obstacles and all came through in shining colors, together. Sweet moment was Dee and Cassie hoisting me on their shoulders after hammer comp and singing “For she’s a jolly good coach…” after they both exceeded their lifetime bests at that meet. Highly embarrassing and yet so sweet. We are family!

Feeling excited about a potential hot springs trip in June with some close personal friendly friends. This is going to be another magnificent summer. Hard to top the last one, but I shudder to think how awesome this one will be :-) Life just keeps on getting better…