A little asian boy, maybe middle school-aged, was totally asleep when I got on the bus the other day. His head was falling toward the aisle where I was standing, so I cupped his head and lifted it back to upright. He woke up, looked at me startled, then moved his schoolbooks off the seat next to him by the window and moved his legs, as if I had asked him to clear the seat next to him so I could sit. "Oh, thanks," I said, happy to have a seat.

I sat down and he nodded off again, almost letting go of his books. Since he had been totally out at the previous stop, I asked him where he was getting off at and he looked around, startled and dazed, to see if it was his exit. He couldn't even answer me, so I asked him "Mission Street? Later?" and he said yes. I moved my leg a little closer to his as he nodded off to sleep again so that his books wouldn't fall onto the floor. About 10 minutes later he woke up, looked at me and said, "Are you from my school or something?"

"No," I said, "I just didn't want you to fall down into the aisle," I said with a smile. He looked confused, and a little incredulous that I should take a personal interest in him if I didn't work for his school. He was quiet for a long time.

A few stops later he stood up to get off the bus, and turned his head to say, "Thank you."

"You bet," I said with a smile.

That was a nice interaction.

Just when you think your mental issues are pretty much resolved…

This evening, a nice young man who I see a few times a week at work sat down next to me while we were eating and put his hand on my shoulder then made like circular motions on my back. It was a very unconscious gesture, much like I have used with the 5-year-old that lives with us, but it had a strong effect on me.

I realize I don't get touched that often, especially by people with really good energy, and it had such a nurturing, warming effect on me I almost started feeling sorry for myself, while instantly craving more touch like an addict. It was like a bursting oxytocin release and I couldn't even think or speak for a second when he asked me a simple question.

I've said about myself that I often fight the urge to start massaging a totally random strangers' shoulders when they sit in front of me in public. I do get to do this with my roommates though, and last night when I did K's shoulders spontaneously for 5 minutes she practically offered to do my dishes for a year to keep going. Like me, she is a bit touch starved right now too.

I was a bit off-ended by the random healing touch received today, which disturbed me. I felt a bit like the neglected Russian orphans, scared of touch. Scared of their own reactions to it.

Either I need to get some bodywork soon or make some more friendly friends. Sometimes I forget how powerful and necessary touch is (even as a trained massage therapist!). Ugh. Wish I was in London right about now…

Per my need to make $24,000 more a year, I am researching what is "needed" in America!

Here is the complete list of the best jobs in America in 2011: (1) Software Engineer: $87,140 (2) Mathematician: $94,178 (3) Actuary: $87,204 (4) Statistician: $73,208 (5) Computer System Analyst: $77,153 (6) Meteorologist: $85,210 (7) Biologist: $74,278 (8) Historian: $63,208 (9) Audiologist: $63,144 (10) Dental Hygenist: $67,107

http://www.examiner.com/mind-and-body-2-in-national/kc-kelly

I like this list better:

Healthcare, IT, business and finance, education, media/communication (esp. online content)

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/best-careers-for2011.html

Of course petroleum engineers and geologists still make a shitload of money, if you like working in the "fossil fuel" industry.

Included in this top ten list is fitness trainers–now that is more up my alley!:

http://www.alec.co.uk/free-career-assessment/top-10-most-popular-careers.htm

I have zero interest in flossing someone else's teeth.

I have almost zero interest in learning computer languages and networks.

I do love to write. I ought to try doing more with online content perhaps. It would be fun to do a weekly address, like a church sermon almost, and have people be able to comment about it and start discussions. We need a forum in which "young" people can come together to discuss current events and politics. I'll give this some more thought…

Just announced: 50 billion planets in the Milky Way. 500 million of which could possibly support "life" as we know it.

Chinese New Year parade reminded me once again how cultureless I feel. It's fun being an American and celebrating everyone else's cultures, but what is our tradition? How would someone celebrate America in 500 years? Wearing cheap, ill-fitting clothes from the Gap and wandering around zombie-like from our day jobs?

It was fun to see all the city officials lead off the parade, as if no celebration could occur without a successfully run city. Police got a 3/4-hearted round of applause too. Apparently we have a new (interim? Nonelected?) mayor!

I need to think more about my financial plans tomorrow in advance of my followup meeting with my financial planner. Swallow, good.

“Fatih Birol, chief economist with the International Energy Agency, has said, “We should leave oil
before it leaves us.” I agree. If we can phase out the use of oil quickly enough to stabilize climate, it will also facilitate an orderly, managed transition to a carbon-free renewable energy economy. Otherwise we face intensifying competition among countries for dwindling oil supplies and continued vulnerability to soaring oil prices. And with our recently developed capacity to convert
grain into oil (that is, ethanol), the price of grain is now tied to that of oil. Rising oil prices mean rising food prices.”

http://www.earth-policy.org/images/uploads/book_files/wotebook.pdf

In a really weird mood thanks to a V-day conversation with a certain London breaker of peace. I thought asking about the weather would be a neutral enough question, but it opened up a shitcan of worms. Being a natural planner and enough Virgo, I get unnerved by the thought of moving toward a chaotic, catastrophic climate-change-propelled future. But the Aries in me loves the challenge of facing an unknown and conquering. I find that the men I have been spending time with lately are these high testosterone, thrill-seeking warriors that are all in some kind of potentiality flux. Maybe I'm looking for these fucking mirrors right now because I am redesigning my life.

Unfortunately, after 9 years of grounding, I'm not willing to chain myself to a boring 9-to-5er again, so I'm stuck having to deal with amplified feelings of chaos and uncertainty in the people I choose to talk to and hang out with. Not that I don't have a plan, at least for a good portion of this year. It's the good portion of my life that is totally up in the air. It's like when I quit my job at Chevron and asked myself "Where do I want to go and what do I want to do, if ANYTHING and ANYWHERE were possible." And the question totally overwhelmed me, so I pussied out, moved to San Fran near the BoyF and put too many cards on the massage table. I think I was actually on the right track with the federal government work and the hammer coaching. Those were conscious, passionate choices I manifested. When you create a business, you create a universe, a process, a system of laws. You have to be committed and ready to run it like you are its God. It's a world on your shoulders, and if you are not running with it, it will crush you.

So do I want to start another business right now? Hell no! Only a fool would aspire to run a business without a strong vision and an end-game. Just sayin'. From experience.

My financial planner is challenging me to think of my future now too, which I honestly haven't done seriously, and never in alignment with what my true self really wants and needs. It's a challenging time of self-discovery. I'm learning a lot. That's the point.

I want to talk about my sex and relationship life eventually because I think it is equally revealing and brim-full of lessons, just have to give it some more thought as to how to present it. Hmmmm. Sometimes I wish people weren't so damned human.