It's a smashup
The world projected on a pushpin
We all get taught how to live
'Cause happy is our greatest asset
Happy keeps the air clean
And the water clear
And the gardens green
And one smile can light a room
So why do we wallow in misery?
It feels so good feeling empty
It's like an old friend
Who's always a downer
Not the kind of company
You would make and keep now
Empty feels like a space you could leave
And grow from

If you wanna grow
You gotta send out roots in all directions
You're going to need more water
More food
More sunlight
More resources
You're going to want to plant yourself
In fertile soil
Make yourself beautiful
Attract the bees
Let them dive in and out of you
Nothing grows in a void
If you wanna take over the world
You need to give and receive
Three hundred sixty degrees

Sometimes you just have to show up
Check it out yourself
See the contrast of the sparkling lights
Against the darkness of the moonlit desert
A spiderweb fence in the middle of nowhere
Is anyone watching?
Or am I alone sufficient?
Am I the One looking at reflections of nature in a still lake?
A fractal living a dreamed reality?
We all speak the same language
In 7 billion dialects
We treat each other like we disagree
Just for fun
We all need enemies
Products of misunderstandings
Otherwise
Who would we be!
Not content to be happy
We pretend to be human
It's fun getting lost in this skin

"So tell me now
If this ain't love then how do we get out?
Because I don't know
That's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
That's when I told her I love you girl
But I'm not the answer for the questions that you still have

I don't hate you
I don't hate you, no"

I went boldly in the direction
Of an ill-conceived dream
And now I'm reaping the fruits
Of my wandering
My dreams are still dormant
What can I hope to be?
What's the life that will bring me meaning?
The easiest answer is a wife and mother
The occupation of my mother
And grandmother
There's nothing I want more
From my life at this point
And yet I have trouble owning it
Thinking like a man
Has gotten me nowhere
Don't get the point of earning for me

I am a 4-wheel drive monster truck
Spinning my wheels
Will I ever be satisfied
That my work is important
That I'm not needed elsewhere
Money wasn't enough to tie me down
So I let myself fall into a void
Of self indulgence
Pouring my energy into a survival game
A birthing of a business of my own making
And an exploring of work
That might excite and fulfill me
And it did
And now that those embers are cooling
I want to know
What I can pour myself into tomorrow
How do you stay stoked?

Flowers In Your Hair Business at Fisherman's Wharf

Publishing Poetry

Twitter Business Pancake Cart

Opening Massage Clinics in other cities

Making a hard-rock/Carpenters music album

Learning to be a DJ

Learning to be a bartender

Planning elaborately themed nightclub parties

Designing and sewing clothes

Writing an autobiography

Community organizing

Setting up a free popcorn stand in front of my house once per month

Getting new tattoos

Immersing myself in spiritual readings 15 minutes daily and doing yoga

Mailing random gifts/letters/cards to people I love and care about

Drinking more Tulsi Tea

Throwing dinner parties

Meeting more cool San Francisco friends

Making my body look awesome and throwing hammer/discus weekly

Going out dancing weekly (or at least monthly)

Organizing community service projects weekly (or volunteering 2 hours/week)

Teaching yoga

I'm ready now to stay open
The nail has been driven
Through my palm
It will never close tightly again
Around the wrists of those I love
I am enough
Just giving love
And watching what unfolds
In the only way it can
What made me think
I knew what was best for myself?
I laugh at the thought
God has always provided enough for me
Today is not different
Love rules eternal
Yesterday
Today
And forever

Coincidence
Events coinciding
Not entirely randomly
Good things happening
Hearts opening
Right place at the right time
The trick to peace
Is knowing
Not forcing
It's always been
How it should be

I'm not good at protecting my heart
I love like the sunshine
Strong, brightly, and forever
I'm not good at building a boat
That floats the ocean's currents,
And carries us into the sunset
But I can light your life and warm your heart
Until you retreat to the shade

And when I feel that sun upon MY skin
I shed all my layers
And bask until it gets too hot
And makes me sleepy
And colors me beautifully

Sometimes I get burned
Love weathers my skin
Leaving freckles
For the next admirer