Pushing others
Pushing self
Being sophisticated/perceptive
About what is possible
Knowing breakthroughs happen
After sustained effort
Not after a sudden push?
Learning to question
Even declarations
How true is it?
How complete the work?
Words can be subtle
Forms of deceit, lies, manipulation
Covers-up
For shoddy workmanship
You can craft a hollow golden ship
With your words
Which will never sail
It will tip in the first winds
Words stronger than effort
Dedication

How soft can a heart be?
Can I reach yours
By revealing mine, or by shattering your shield?
They all keep going away
Do my words push them
Or my actions
Do I want them to leave?
Scattered my seeds
Can’t plant where there’s no water
I need love
Have I become something you want?
Can you rest against the soft pillow of my heart?
Do I hold you to the best without killing your spirit?
I err on the side of force, of overkill, of overlove, of best intentions and generosity
I show mercy b/c I’ve been shown mercy
But don’t have what I want
Always have what I need
Needed lots of freedom
As much as a cat would give
You let me hike in the wilderness
And search the depths of my mind
And find the sweetest spots on my body
And travel to the most dangerous countries
Eat the most exotic foods
Experience a world way outside my trailer court
You all let me go and go and go
And miss you–
And pine for your love and comfort
And the oblivion of your caresses
The highs of your tall tales
I had to work out every last ounce of freedom so that I could know myself
And it cost me everything I had
And it was worth it

And now
A new phase
A more subtle exploring of us
Now that I’ve been ripped apart
And exposed for who I can be
I can choose the good qualities
And buffer the others
And stop showing you so much of me–
Since I’m already well-acquainted
And start talking about you.